Our Day Has Come
Part Three
So we went back to Willow and Tara's room. The Witch-Cave,
Will calls it. The Den O' Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name,
Xander calls it. He's a pig. But cute.
We didn't say anything on the way. I was too afraid to talk.
I still half-expected Will to be mad at me. Which was
ridiculous since she was holding my hand and smiling at me
constantly as we walked along. She held Tara's hand too,
so we were walking along hand in hand in hand. We must've
looked like a traveling Red Rover team or something.
When we got to their room, Tara took our coats and sat down
on the blue loveseat. Will sat me down on the bed and plopped
down next to me. She took my face in her hands and moved so
that she was only a few inches away and we were staring into
each other's eyes.
"Buffy, you need to listen very carefully to what I'm about
to say, okay?"
I nodded as best I could. Her hands were still holding my
face and I couldn't move much, but she must have gotten
the idea because she smiled and went on.
"I love Xander. I love him so very much. Sometimes I'd
swear I love him so much that there's no room for anything
else inside of me." I flicked my eyes over towards Tara,
but she was smiling. Okay, I was confused. I looked back
into Willow's eyes. She was smiling too. "Tara knows this,
Buffy. We had this discussion a long time ago. She also
knows that I don't love Xander the way I love her. And
she knows that there's *always* room for more love inside
a person. I love Tara just as much as I love Xander, and
just as much as I love you, and even though that much
love should make me burst, it's okay. It's love, there's
no limit."
She sighed and let go of my face, then pulled back a
little ways. But she was still looking right into my
eyes. "It's weird between me and Xander, Buffy. You
know that. It's not just friendship, it hasn't been
since we were four years old. I love him so much that
I'd die without him. But I'm not *in* love with him,
not that way. And he's not in love with me. We've known
that since we became friends again after the Fluke. We
just don't work that way, too many people get hurt."
She looked at me, uncertain. "Do you understand?"
I nodded. "Yeah, Will."
She was still nervous. "Do you believe me?"
"Of course I do." I wanted to cry at the relief
in her eyes, and I could barely breathe as she
threw her arms around me and squeezed me tight.
"I'm so glad, Buffy. I couldn't live with myself
if I kept you two apart."
I smiled and hugged her back. "Well, you're not
going to. I don't think anything couldn't keep me
away from Xander at this point."
She pulled away and smirked at me. "Ooh. You've
got it bad, huh?"
I had to blush at that. "Yeah, I think so. I was
checking out his... well, his ass on the dance
floor tonight." I ducked my head.
Willow made a piffle sound. "And? So was I. The boy
has a nice butt, nothing wrong with taking a peek now
and then."
"Yeah, it is pretty nice." We both looked at Tara,
and her face turned scarlet. "What? I'm n-not allowed
to notice?"
Willow laughed. "Yeah, I guess I can't exactly get
mad at you for checking him out when I do the same
thing."
I thought about pretending to be mad, but no way
could I have pulled it off. Instead, I turned to
Willow. "So we know it's okay for me to want
Xander. Now what?" I admit it, I was completely
lost.
Will stood up and walked over to sit down next
to Tara before answering. "I'm not sure, actually.
I mean, you're pretty much in the same boat I was
in in high school, huh? You want him but he doesn't
know it." Her face brightened. "Oh!! And I'm you!
I'm the hot babe friend who gets to be supportive
and sympathetic. This is gonna be so cool!" She
looked like a kid at Christmas. Or Chanukkah, I
suppose. That makes more sense.
I had to smile along with her, but I still didn't
know what to do. "As I remember, Will, in addition
to being hot, supportive and sympathetic, I didn't
stint on the advice to the lovelorn. So gimme."
Willow leaned back into the couch and smiled when
Tara scooted over to cuddle against her. "I'm not
sure what to say. Actually, I am. I seem to recall
a certain blonde friend of mine saying 'Tell him
how you feel!' over and over and over again."
I put my head in my hands and groaned. "I was hoping
you'd forget about that part." I looked up into
her smile. "But obviously not. I just don't know
if I can tell him, Will. I'm scared."
Her face softened. "Of course you're scared, Buffy.
That's only natural. But you can't let it stop
you. You don't think I was scared when I realized
I was falling in love with Tara?" Tara's smile
at that lit up the whole room, and Willow paused
to give her a quick kiss and put an arm around
her shoulder before continuing. "But I didn't let
it stop me. If I had, I wouldn't have Tara, and if
you do, you won't have Xander."
"You're right, you're right, I know you're right.
But I'm still scared." I let out a short, bitter
laugh. "God, this is embarassing. I can face down
a nest full of vampires without breaking a sweat,
but the idea of admitting how I feel to Xander has
me scared to death."
Willow smiled at me, concern and humor in her
eyes. "Believe me, Buffy, the prospect of
Xanderlovin' is more than enough to bring a
strong woman to her knees." Tara and I both
gave her a look, and she blushed. "Okay, not
the best image to use, but you know what I
mean. It's okay for you to be scared."
"I know. I just don't know how to get past
the fraidy-cat stage."
"I don't either. Tara?" Tara shook her head,
and Willow sighed. "Okay, we don't worry about
that right now. Next question?"
I blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you must have other questions about
going out with Xander, right? I mean, come
on, there's got to be something else you're
worried about."
I thought about it. There was one thing, but
I knew there would be some mondo teasing if
I asked. I comforted myself with the fact
that there would be mondo teasing in any case,
and spit it out.
"Well, I do have one question. I mean, after
we go out and have a wonderful time, and I
don't get anything green and yucky stuck in
my teeth or sit in gum or anything stupid like
that, and no demons or vampires or end of the
world types mess things up, and he takes me
home and walks me to my door and all, can I...
I mean, do I...?"
I looked over at Willow and Tara. They were
both smiling like they knew what I was about
to say. Tara's smile was sweet and understanding,
Will's was the smile of one who was about to do
some mondo teasing. I sighed in defeat and just
asked.
"Can I kiss him?"
Willow smirked at me. "A bit anxious are we?" I nodded
uncertainly. She sighed and waved her hand airily. "Well,
I suppose you could rush into it like that if you must.
I mean, I waited thirteen years for our first kiss, but
I guess you're not as patient as me."
I snorted derisively. "Will, Job wasn't as patient as you.
I guess I just don't have your strength of character."
She nodded sadly. "Few do, really." She sighed. "But
I
suppose it's for the best. Not many can handle the myriad
responsibilities of perfection."
That started Tara on a coughing fit that she swore was
pure coincidence. She's really loosened up since she
and Will started going out, and she's got a pretty
wicked sense of humor when you get to know her. I was
glad she was there, even though she wasn't saying much.
Not that she ever says much, of course, but I was glad
she was there to help, and I was glad Will and I weren't
talking about Xander behind her back. Besides, I was
hoping she'd keep Willow in line on the teasing front.
Never happen, but a girl can dream.
Willow stopped glaring at Tara and turned back to me.
"Anyway, as I was saying before someone so rudely
interrupted me," that earned her a poke in the ribs
from Tara and she giggled before going on, "you can
kiss Xander on the first date if you feel you must.
Nice girls don't do that sort of thing, but it's your
decision." Once again she sighed and shook her head
at the depths of my iniquity and not-nice-girliness.
I was getting into the spirit of things, though I
must confess to a touch of indignation as well.
"So you're saying if I kiss him I won't be a nice
girl anymore?"
Willow and Tara both nodded in the affirmative. Tara
chimed in with a smile and, "I'm pretty sure it'd make
you a hussy, actually."
"A woman of loose morals, that's what you are." Will
was enjoying herself far too much. I had to take her
down a peg.
"So what if I were to date a werewolf and then a witch?
What would that make me?"
Tara choked back a giggle as Willow's eyes narrowed.
"That, my dear Ms. Summers, would make you a twenty-
first century kind of gal who is unconcerned with
labels and definitions. And besides, I don't kiss on
the first date so your point is moot. As for any other
points you may have, they're probably all moot too."
Tara cleared her throat and waited until we turned to
her. "But Willow, you kissed me before our first real
date. And I don't think you ever went on a real date
with Xander. Wouldn't that make you a hussy?" Then she
blinked her eyes in such a convincing display of mock
innocence that I was tempted to believe it.
Not Will though, not even close. "Quiet, you! Those are
both completely different circumstances for reasons that
will become clear to me if I keep talking and stalling
long enough to think of them." She paused a beat, then
smiled. "Actually, with you it was just me being dumb.
We'd been dating for awhile, I just didn't know it at
first. Same with Xander, kinda. I'm not the brightest
girl when it comes to these things. I swear, I don't
know why you put up with me."
That was definitely an 'Awwww!' moment, and Tara pulled
Will into a fierce hug. Willow pulled away and looked
at her with the worst fake angry expression I've ever
seen. "Don't think this gets you off the hook for implying
I'm a hussy, you little vixen! Punishment you deserve
and punishment there shall be!" Tara just looked at her
with big puppy-dog eyes and did that little lip-quivering
act of hers that's just too cute for words. Will caved
even quicker than usual. "Damn those lips! And the eyes!
I am helpless before your onslaught, I must bow to your
will." She snuggled in closer to Tara and gave her a kiss,
then the two of them beamed over at me with that satisfied
smugness that would be annoying on anyone but them.
I laughed and shook my head. "Sickeningly cute as this
is, it doesn't get me any closer to an answer. Do I
kiss Xander or not?"
Will just shook her head at me. "Buffy, you've got to
decide that for yourself. I can tell you that I'm pretty
sure Xander wouldn't lose all respect for you if you did.
And he is a pretty damn good kisser." That got her another
poke in the ribs from her one true love. She poked Tara
back indignantly. "Hey! I'm just reporting the facts as
I know them. Xander is a good kisser, and let none dispute
it!"
Tara snorted. "Maybe we should just shout it from the
rooftops?" She wasn't mad though, just teasing. Then
she got a thoughtful expression. "Actually, I think he'd
like that too much..."
I laughed, my mind made up. "Okay, that's it. I'm gonna
kiss him." Then a horrible thought occurred to me. "That's
assuming he wants to kiss me. Oh God, what if he doesn't
want to kiss me? What if he has a horrible time? What if
he never wants to speak to me again?!"
It wasn't until Will came over and grabbed my shoulders
that I realized I was hyperventilating. "Breathe, Buffy!
And don't be an idiot. He's your best friend and he's
always loved spending time with you, so of course he's
going to have a good time. And he loves you, so no matter
what happens, you'll still be friends. As to whether he'll
want to kiss you, there I can't help you as much." I looked
at her in panic until I saw the laughter in her eyes. "I
mean, Xander has always been kinda dumb. But come to think
of it, I don't think even he's dumb enough not to want to
kiss a hot chick if the opportunity presents itself."
Tara cleared her throat again and we both turned to her.
She was looking at me, not Will, and her face was a mixture
of humor and worry. "Um, not that I want to interrupt
the bonding - and I definitely agree that you're a kissable
hot chick, Buffy - but aren't you jumping the gun a little?"
I blushed a little at the kissable part, but mostly I was
just confused. Tara must have seen it in my eyes, because
she answered the question before I could ask it. "Well, I
just mean that you haven't dealt with the fraidy-cat stuff.
You haven't even asked Xander out yet."
<*Oh shit.*> As God is my witness, I'd forgotten that.
It
hadn't even occurred to me that he might say no. But now it
did. You better believe it did. <*Why would he want to go out
with me? I've spent most of the time I've known him making
fun of him and telling him I only see him as a friend. And
the Spring Fling! God, I broke his heart and then he saved
my life. I don't deserve him! And 'Xander-shaped friend?'
What the hell was that?!*>
"Actually, he told me later that he was flattered."
My head
whipped up to look at Willow. I hadn't even realized I was
speaking out loud.
"What..." I licked my lips. "What do you mean?"
She smiled and sat down next to me. "The 'one of the girls'
thing annoyed him at the time, yeah. But right after that
we found out you were sick and he just forgot about it
until later. He's good at that, putting his pain aside to
help the people he cares about." She frowned. "Too good,
really. Anyway, he walked me home when you and Giles were
taking care of Amy after it was all over, remember?" I
nodded my head numbly. I didn't remember, but if she said
so I'd take her word for it. "And he was smiling a bit. I
knew it was mostly because you were okay, we were all okay,
but that wasn't all of it."
"How did you know?" This from Tara. I could tell from
her
smile she already knew the answer.
"He's my Xander. We've been living inside each other for
almost 15 years now. I know him better than I know myself.
It feels good." Her smile lit up the room, and I knew that's
why Tara had asked. Have I mentioned that I like Tara? Willow
went on. "I asked him what the smile was for, but he didn't
want to tell me. After a few minutes of interrogation," she
paused to flex her tickle-finger, "he gave up the goods. He
told me that in a weird way it felt good that you saw him as
one of the girls. It meant you trusted him. Then he shrugged
and I dropped it. I knew it hurt him when you said that, but
he wasn't lying about it feeling good too. It means a lot to
him how much you trust him. It always has." She looked over
to me. "Does that make sense?"
"I guess so, but I still have no idea how to ask him out."
Will nodded her head decisively. "We'll have to get a guy's
take on it. Which unfortunately means we don't have a whole
lot of options. I mean, normally we'd ask Xander stuff like
this. I don't suppose you'd want to ask Spike...?" She pushed
on as soon as she saw the look in my eyes. "Okay, no Spike.
I don't know, Buffy. The only other guy we can ask is Giles."
I just looked at her for a second, trying to imagine how
that conversation might go. But he really was our only hope.
"Well," I said to cheer myself up, "he seemed to be doing
okay with Olivia until those Gentlemen guys showed up..."
Willow nodded. "Yep. And hey, he has good taste in women,
what
with Olivia and your mom..." She trailed off as she noticed
the glares both Tara and I were sending at her. "Not that I
ever noticed either of them. Not ever. Hey! You know who else
has never thought of your mom like that? Xander. Nope, not even
once! Not even when she was trying to smother him in kisses
along with the rest of the women in Sunnydale!"
She was about to go on but I cut her off. "Will, you *really*
need to stop talking now. Let's go see Giles."
She nodded, happy to be off the subject. "Right. To the
Watcher-Cave!"
***
END Part 3/?
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