Our Day Has Come
Part Two
Of course, it would have helped if Xander knew that.
I didn't say a word to anyone about my epiphany. I was too
scared it would all come out wrong, that I'd end up hurting
Xander again. Or Willow, that was another big complication.
She was happy with Tara. She loved Tara, I knew that for a
fact. And she and Xander have been just best friends ever
since the Fluke aftermath. Everything she'd told me and
everything I'd seen in her actions and in her eyes said she
didn't feel that way about Xander anymore. But how could I
take the chance? I didn't want to hurt my best friends. So
I didn't say anything.
But it was obvious I wasn't moping anymore. When I showed
up to meet Will and Tara at the Bronze that afternoon I was
smiling. I hadn't smiled, really smiled, since Riley left.
Will rushed over when she caught sight of me. Her grin was
as wide as mine.
"Buffy, are you okay?" Shorthand for 'Is the depressed
angsty
period officially over?'
I just smiled even wider. "Yeah Will, I'm okay now."
Meaning 'Why yes, yes it is, thanks for asking.'
She smiled back and pulled me into a tight hug and then dragged
me over to the table where Tara was waiting. I wanted to hug
Tara too but she's still shy about that sort of thing sometimes
so I didn't.
As soon as we sat down I asked, "Where's Xander?"
I think I
kept my voice under control. Willow didn't seem to sense
anything at least.
"Oh, he must still be at the daycare. He said Janet's been
out sick all week, so he's been picking up some extra hours."
About a month ago Xander got a job at a daycare near the UCS
campus. I have lunch with him there a couple times a week. He's
amazing with the kids, they all love him to pieces. Probably
because he thinks the same way they do. He's going to be a great
father. Believe me, that fact did nothing to lessen his appeal.
I didn't really understand just how appealing Xander had become
to me until he showed up a little while later. Will, Tara and I
had been talking a bit, but mostly just hanging out. It had been
awhile since I had been with them without feeling horrible. It
was nice. I'm sure they felt the same way. I was going to say
something when I noticed Xander walking in the door.
My words froze in my throat. Part of it was just fear. I had
no idea what I was going to do about my new feelings. It wasn't
just fear though. The boy looked good. He was wearing jeans and
the shirt my mom got him for Christmas last year. I made a mental
note to compliment Mom on her taste in men's clothes. And since
Xander really didn't look any different than he always has, I
made another note to kick myself for not noticing a long time
ago. I still wouldn't have gone out with him back then, I don't
think, but at least I could've enjoyed the view the past few years.
I managed to get myself under some semblance of control by the
time he got to the table. He sort of bounded up and struck
a manly pose.
"Xander is here! One line, ladies. No pushing, you'll all
get
your chance."
I laughed along with Willow and Tara and it was okay again.
Xander looked at me when I laughed and his smile widened.
"You okay, Buff?" More shorthand.
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay." I knew I had a Xander-hug
coming, so I stood up and braced myself. I like hugging
Xander, I've always liked it a lot. I was just afraid
I'd like it too much.
But it was okay. Being in his arms under any other
circumstances probably would have been too much for
me right then, but it was because he was glad I was
okay, because he cared. Because he was my friend. And
no matter how I'd started to feel about him, he was
still my friend. So the hug was okay. More than okay,
it was wonderful.
As soon as we sat down again though the staring began.
I couldn't take my eyes off him. I tried to be subtle,
of course, and mostly I think I managed it. I was pretty
quiet all night long, but no one seemed to notice. I
laughed at the jokes and commiserated with Tara when
Xander stole Willow for a dance or three. Then I
commiserated with Willow when he dropped her off and
stole Tara for a dance or three. I don't know if Will
and Tara commiserated with each other when he stole me
for a dance or three, but I know I sure wasn't feeling
anything that included the word misery. I've always
liked dancing with Xander, and with the old Slayer
reflexes I can even stay out of the way of his flailing
arms. That night it was even better, just like everything
I did with Xander was starting to feel even better.
Except for the dancing I didn't do much, mostly just
sat there while the others talked. I was listening
though, and I smiled a lot, so they didn't worry. I
think they all thought I just wasn't in the mood to
talk. And I wasn't. I was in the mood to stare.
At Xander. I think it was when I caught myself checking
out his ass on the dance floor that I started to wig.
Not about his ass. His ass was fine. Better than fine,
believe me. I wigged about the situation. Xander didn't
know how I felt, and for the life of me I didn't know how
to tell him. I was feeling horrible because I didn't know
what to do. And at the same time I was feeling wonderful
because I was with my friends. Especially because I was
with Xander.
It occurred to me that that must've been how Willow felt
all those years she was pining for Xander. And that made
me feel horrible again because I was plotting to steal
him away from her. Even though they weren't together and
didn't want to be together I still felt like I was betraying
the both of them. It was a long night.
Finally it came to an end. Or at least the Xander portion
came to an end. He looked down at his watch and grimaced.
"Damn, I gotta go. I promised Bob I'd take his shift from
ten until closing." He got up and grabbed his jacket
and I don't know, he stretched just right or something
because I just stared at him for a few seconds, stared
without stopping myself like I had all night. I felt like
a love-sick teenager, but I couldn't help it. Hell, I
*WAS* a love-sick teenager.
When I came back to reality all three of them were
looking at me, and Willow was waving her hand in
front of my face and grinning. "Earth to Buffy,
come in Buffy." I blushed and looked down, then
made myself look up at them. At Xander. Oh boy.
"Where were you, Buff?" He had that little smirk
on his face. Usually it makes me want to ruffle
his hair. And I still wanted to ruffle his hair,
but then I wanted to do things that are illegal
in most states. Which of course made me blush even
more and made his smirk turn into a sly grin. "I
know where you were." He thrust his finger at me
accusingly. "You were thinking about getting you
some Xanderlovin'! 'Fess up!!"
I swear my heart stopped. I couldn't breathe, let
alone speak. And there was no blood to warm up my
brain and get me going because it was all headed
to my cheeks. As well as other parts that shall
remain nameless. I just looked at him, absolutely
mortified.
After a few seconds that lasted a lifetime, he shook
his head and laughed. "It's not any fun when you're
in no shape to fight back, Buff. Get to bed early
tonight, I want you well-rested for the quip-fest
I'm going to demand tomorrow." He turned to Willow
and Tara and doffed an imaginary hat. "Ladies, I
bid you adieu." Then he turned back to me. "And Buff,
if you're going on patrol tonight stop by and pick
me up, I'll tag along." And with a wink and a
chuckle he was gone.
Leaving me in a horrible state, as you might imagine.
<*Omigod, does he know?! He can't know! He's like
that all the time, right? Right?! Oh God, what if
he knows?*> My thoughts were interrupted by Willow
waving her hand in front of my face again.
"Buffy? Are you okay? Maybe Xander's right, maybe
you need to get some..." She broke off as I turned
and her eyes caught mine. Her hand came up to cover
her mouth as her eyes went wide in shock. "Oh my God,
he *WAS* right!" Her hand left her face and her finger
pointed at me in what I knew had to be outrage and
hatred. "You're in the market for some Xanderlovin'!!"
I buried my face in my hands and felt tears fighting
for release. <*She hates me. Of course she hates me,
I'm a horrible person. How can she ever forgive me?
How can I ever forgive myself? I can't, I don't
deserve to be forgiven. I deserve to be clawed to
death by rabid monkeys and then... Waitaminnit, what's
she saying?*>
"This is so cool!!!" Willow's eyes were shining
like someone had just given her a solid gold
puppy and she was jumping up and down and waving
her hands like she does when she totally loses
control. "God, do you have any idea how long I've
been waiting for this?!"
My eyes were still full of tears, but I didn't
notice them in my confusion. "What? You don't...
You don't hate me?"
She looked at me, and I swear she was even
more confused than me. "Hate you? Why would
I hate you?" Her face fell as she saw my eyes.
"Oh God, Buffy, no! This is a good thing, I
don't hate you, I could never hate you.
Especially not about this!"
I didn't believe her. I couldn't believe her.
I started to say that, to say something at least,
but no words came out. The tears did though, and
all I could do was cry.
I lost track of myself for a few minutes there, but
when I came back Willow was holding me in her arms,
whispering to me as she rocked me back and forth.
"It's okay Buffy, it's okay. I swear it's okay, I
don't hate you, I could never hate you. I love you,
you know that. You know I love you, Buffy." That sort
of thing. Everything I needed to hear from her right
then. God, I love her.
When I looked up at her she smiled and squeezed me
tight. As she wiped away my tears with a cocktail
napkin, she said, "So you've finally fallen for Xander,
huh?" All I could do was nod uncertainly, but that was
enough for her. "Well, it's about damned time, ya ninny."
Her smile got even wider.
She turned us both towards Tara, who had been hovering
nearby through my breakdown. She smiled at me reassuringly
but I could tell she was a bit lost. That was okay, so was
I. We both turned to look at Willow when she spoke again.
"Okay, we have to talk this thing through. To the witch-cave!"
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END Part 2/?
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