"I can't believe you've never seen it."

"Hey, I've only been human for a few years, Xander. It's not like I've had time to do all the things you've done."

"Well, we're gonna make time. This is gonna be great. That's one of the cool things about being your boyfriend. I get to show you all this stuff for the first time."

"Yeah? What are the other cool things about being my boyfriend?"

"I'll show you after the movie."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Cool. Let's watch, then. Wait. Are there any rabbits in this thing?"

"Look, I'm sorry about 'Holy Grail,' okay? I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. And there are no rabbits in this one, I promise."

"Okay. What's it about?"

"True love."

"Ooh! A romance? I love romances."

"I know you do. And yeah, it's a romance. With sword fights."

"Ooh! I love sword fights, too."

"I know. Shall we watch, milady?"

"We shall, milord."

***

"Isn't that Colombo?"

"Yeah."

"He got old."

"Yeah. But I think some of it's makeup."

"Oh. The kid's annoying."

"Yeah. Yeah, he is."

***

"Buttercup? What the hell kind of name is Buttercup?"

***

"Why doesn't he just say 'I love you' instead of 'As you wish?'"

"'Cause it's more romantic his way. Trust me."

"Okay. I do kinda like it."

***

"I thought you said this was a romance! Westley's dead and Buttercup's never going to love again!"

"That's foreshadowing, An. The mark of good literature. Also movies."

"Oh. This is all very confusing."

***

"Humperdink? What the hell kind of name is Humperdink?"

***

"They're kidnapping her! They can't do that!!"

"Yeah, they can. They're the bad guys."

***

"That little guy's a real jerk."

***

"Fezzik. That's a cool name. What's the other guy's name?"

"Inigo Montoya."

"That's pretty cool, too."

***

"Why are they rhyming?"

"'Cause Fezzik likes it."

"Okay."

***

"Shrieking eels? Cool!"

***

"Those are the Cliffs of Insanity? They don't look anything like that!"

***

"Vizzini shouldn't treat Fezzik like that. I like Fezzik. What's the actor's name?"

"Andre the Giant. He was a professional wrestler."

"Was?"

"Yeah. He died a few years ago."

"Oh, that's a shame. He's kinda cute."

"You think Andre the Giant is cute?!"

"Definitely. I like his hands."

***

"Hey! That's Westley! It's Westley, isn't it?"

"Maybe."

"Why's he wearing a mask?"

"You'll see."

***

"Damn right he's known too many Spaniards. I could tell you stories..."

***

"That's horrible! Does Inigo find the man who killed his father?"

"You'll see."

"Tell me!"

"You'll see."

"Fine. Be that way."

***

"That was the coolest sword fight I've ever seen."

"There's an even better one later on."

"Cool!"

***

"See? Fezzik wants to know, too. Why's he wearing the mask?"

"You'll see."

***

"Humperdink's a real twit, isn't he?"

"Oh, yeah."

***

"I'm glad Vizzini's dead. I didn't like him."

***

"Wait. Westley's the Dread Pirate Roberts? I thought..."

"Just watch, An."

***

"That's true."

"What is?"

"Death can't stop true love. I could tell you stories..."

"Could you, now? Spill."

"Later. Watch the movie."

***

"Hey! That little brat ruined the kiss!"

***

"Fire Swamp? Who comes up with these names?"

***

"Okay, so Westley took over as Roberts. I get that. Does that mean he's been slaughtering innocent people for the past five years?"

"I think we're supposed to ignore that part."

"Oh. Okay."

***

"What the hell was that?! Where'd they go?"

"Lightning sand."

"Oh. And what's that?"

"Big-ass rat."

"Oh."

***

"Buttercup's pretty useless in a fight, isn't she?"

***

"She's not actually going to trust Humperdink, is she? See? He's going to throw Westley in the Pit of Despair! That can't be good!"

***

"Ooh! Ooh! He's the guy who killed Inigo's father!!"

***

"What the hell do you mean they were married?! They can't get married!!"

***

"Oh, God, now I'm agreeing with the kid. Shoot me."

***

"I'm with the ugly woman. This sucks. Why'd you make me watch this?"

"Calm down, An."

"I'll calm down if you tell me there's a happy ending."

"There's a happy ending."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

***

"Stupid dream sequence..."

***

"You call that a brute squad?"

***

"Inigo! Xander, Inigo's back!"

"I see that."

"Inigo, Go kill Count Rugen!!"

"Have I ever mentioned how much I love watching movies with you?"

"Hmm? Ooh, Fezzik's back!! Fezzik, tell Inigo to kill Count Rugen!!"

***

"Ha! He fell in his soup! Did you see that?"

"I saw it."

"This is getting good again."

***

"Maybe."

"What do you mean, maybe?"

"Wait for it."

"I hate waiting."

***

"Humperdink doesn't die? What the hell kind of movie is this?!"

***

"They're going to buy a miracle?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't think you could do that."

"I guess you can."

"What about love?"

"What?"

"The song says you can't buy love, just like you can't buy miracles. So can you buy love, too?"

"No, but you can rent it. Usually by the hour."

***

"Damn right 'true love!' Now wake his ass up and let him kill Humperdink!!

***

"I hope they win, too. They do win, right?"

"What do you think?"

"That doesn't answer my question."

***

"Ha! A priest with a funny voice! Genius! Pure comic genius!"

***

"Tear his arms off anyway!"

***

"He's running! Rugen's running! He can't run! Come back
and die, you coward!"

***

"He stabbed Inigo! Inigo, get up!"

***

"Well, Rugen's dead, An. Happy now?"

"Damn skippy! That was a great scene."

"Yeah."

***

"To the pain? What the hell is to the pain?"

***

"What is Westley?! An idiot?! Inigo, don't listen to Westley! Kill Humperdink!"

***

"Nice horses."

***

"So now Inigo is going to slaughter innocent people?"

"I guess so."

"Huh."

***

"Hey! Show the kiss! ... Oh, okay. ... Cool."

***

"So, what'd you think?"

"You're right, I loved it."

"I knew you would."

"Did you want to show me the other cool things about being my boyfriend now?"

"We could do that. But you sound like you don't want to."

"I do want to. But maybe we could just sit here and hold each other for a little while first?"

"As you wish."

END