God Bless Buddy Lee
Willow dropped her spoon into the bowl and let out a
contented sigh. I was half expecting her to lick the
bowl clean, but I guess not even Fudge Ripple can
drive her that far out of control. Now, if I'd had
sprinkles and hot fudge maybe...
Her voice brought me back. "Okay, that's enough for me."
I rolled my eyes and she smiled. "For now, anyways."
"I don't know where you put it, Will." She stuck her
tongue out at me, then shrieked and jerked back as I
darted my hand out to grab it. Missed. Damn. "I think
it's your turn."
"Yeah, it is. Nothing's coming to mind, unfortunately."
She sat back to think, the tip of her tongue sticking
out the side of her mouth, her hand coming up to cup
her chin. When I faked another grab, she shrieked
again and laughed. "Okay, here's one. You don't
know that sometimes I cry when I'm watching TV
commercials."
I gave her the exact same look she'd given me over
the Monopoly thing the last time we played. "Will,
I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree. We both know
that. But of course I know you cry at commercials!!
I've been watching TV with you since we could both
sit up straight and point ourselves at the pretty
glowing box. And you've always cried at the commercials!
Are you telling me you thought I didn't know that?"
I was flabbergasted. I had never been flabbergasted
before. It was an interesting feeling.
She had the grace to look embarassed. "I know you've
seen me a few times. You mean you've caught me at it
a lot?"
It took me a second to think of an answer that didn't
incorporate the word "duh!" "Well, yeah. I didn't say
anything because I knew you were embarassed."
"How long ago did you notice?" She looked almost scared
now.
"I don't know. Ten, twelve years ago maybe?" Wrong
answer,
apparently.
"What?! When did you find out?"
I thought back. "The first time I remember was Nestor
the Long Eared Donkey. We saw that at my house one
Christmas when we were five or six, I guess. Bawled
our little eyes out too." Damn, that was a depressing
show. "I remember they must have shown it twice that
year, because later on when we saw a commercial for
the next showing you started crying a little bit again."
I smiled thinking about it. "I didn't blame you for
that, I felt like crying too. But then I noticed that for
the next few months, every time we'd see a mule or
a donkey on TV or wherever, you'd get tears in your
eyes."
Willow was looking at me with the strangest expression.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
I smiled again and shrugged. "I could tell you didn't
want me to notice it. So I didn't."
She smiled back, but she was still embarassed. "What
else did you not notice?" Her lips twisted a bit with
the last two words and I laughed.
"Over the years, the kind of commercials you'd cry at
changed. They were almost always something sappy,
but different kinds. You were big on those touchy-feely
long distance ads for a long time, I remember that.
And movie commercials for chick flicks could do it
the last few years, though not always. I never did
figure out why some got you going and others didn't."
I looked up at her and grinned. "And the ads for A
Charlie Brown Christmas were always good for a few
swipes at your eyes when you thought I wasn't looking.
When you see those, you think about the little tree
at the end, don't you?"
She was trying to look upset, but I could tell she
was glad I knew all this. "Yeah. That plus the
memories of how you'd butcher the Snoopy Dance
year after year get me every time." Now she was
trying to look stern, but she never could pull that
one off when she was faking. Far be it from me not
to play along though.
"Hey, hey, hey! Speak not ill of the Snoopy Dance!
It's the 20th centuries' greatest contribution to the
arts, and I, Alexander Harris, am its greatest non-
animated, non-beagle, non-World War I flying ace
practitioner. You have no idea the pressure I'm under."
She giggled and I knew for sure she wasn't really
upset. "So what commercials do it for you now,
Will? We weren't exactly hanging out and watching
TV together for awhile there, so I'm out of the
loop."
She winced for a second, and I hated myself for
bringing it up, but she recovered pretty quickly
and a shy little smile stole over her face. She
looked down at the floor and mumbled something
I couldn't hear. I made a big production out of
cleaning my ear out with my finger and cupping my
palm around it. "Eh? What was that? Didn't quite
catch it." She made a face at me but squared her
shoulders and stuck her chin out defiantly.
"Buddy Lee."
For a second I had absolutely no idea what she was
talking about, but then it hit me. "The jeans doll?
The little guy who gets blown up and stuff?"
"Yeah. Him."
I just looked at her like she had grown a third eye.
She fidgeted a bit under my gaze, but I couldn't think
of anything to say. Finally, "Is there a reason you
cry at kewpie doll commercials?" Not even teasing.
I just wanted to know. Willow'll do that if you
give her half a chance - ruin a perfectly good
teasing moment by just being herself, making you
want to understand her a little better.
She blushed and chewed on her bottom lip for
a moment, which I've always thought makes her
just about the cutest thing known to mankind.
Then she looked at me and it just all came
pouring out.
"I just feel so bad for the little guy! He's always
out there fighting the good fight, doing what he
knows is right, and he gets hurt every single time.
And then it turns out that the people he's helping
are idiots who keep sending him into danger for no
reason. I mean, I know he's just a doll and all, but
that doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings! Remember
Sid? Huh? He was a doll and he had feelings, just like
Buddy! But Sid found some peace, and poor Buddy
just keeps getting the crap kicked out of him. He falls
out of an airplane, he blows up in a car, he gets shot
through a telephone pole, and no one ever even says
thank you! And through it all, he keeps that brave little
smile on his face. But I know he's hurting inside. He's
just afraid to show it. Who can blame him? If he said
something, they'd probably just hurt him some more."
As soon as she stopped speaking, the tears came. Not
a lot of them, but they were there just the same, and
she
ducked her head down so I wouldn't see.
Through all of this, I just sat there listening in wonder.
My head propped on my hand, my jaw open. She was
amazing, there's no other way to put it. God help me,
I felt bad for the little blob of plastic. And believe me,
I realized exactly how ridiculous that was. I wanted to
laugh at first, but when she started crying I reached
over and drew her into my arms. As soon as I did she
started crying harder and threw her arms around me.
I tried to think of anything that might make her feel
better, but let's face it, this was Outer Limits territory
as far as comforting words went. The usual stuff
wasn't going to cut it. I was pretty surprised when an
idea suddenly dawned on me, but I shouldn't have
been. Willow brings out the best in people.
"Will?" She didn't hear me. She wasn't crying as hard
as I'd seen her in the past, not by a long shot, but
she was still sniffling up a storm. "Will?" Louder
this time, and it got her attention. She turned to look
up at me. I brought my hand up to wipe the tears
away from her eyes. "I have two thoughts here. Which
is a rare and joyous occasion for me, so let's take
a moment just to savor it, shall we?"
She smiled a bit at that and I went on. "Okay, the
first thought is that Buddy isn't as unappreciated
as you think. Let's not forget the latest commercial,
huh? 'Buddy Lee is Buddy Lee in Buddy Lee: Man Of
Action!' The guy's got his own made-up movie, Will!
And he's got a cool announcer guy pointing out that
he has a 'backbone the size of Missouri!' The guy's
whole body is barely as big as a twinkie but he has a
backbone the size of Missouri, Will! I think the Lee
folks are holding Buddy up as an example to us all.
He gets hurt and he has to deal with ungrateful jerks,
yes, but he keeps on keeping on and doing the right
thing, like you said. Because he can't do anything
else, Will. He's Buddy Lee and that sort of thing
just comes with the territory when you're a Man Of
Action. And I for one am glad he's out there, dammit.
The world's a better place with him in it."
She seemed unsure, like she thought I was teasing,
but I wasn't. God help me, I meant every word about
that little plastic bastard. But it wasn't just him I was
talking about. "Will, it's not just Buddy is it?" She
looked at me like she didn't know what I was talking
about, but her eyes told me that she did. "It's about
Buffy. It's about how Buffy goes out every single night
and risks her life to save the world, or maybe just a
little piece of it. Maybe just one person who's alive this
morning because Buffy was there for them last night,
but they'll never know. It's about how no one but us
knows she's doing it and how no one but us appreciates
it and how she's gonna get killed someday because she
can't walk away from it no matter how much she says
she wants to." Willow started crying for real now,
sobbing into my shirt. I'd never heard her cry this hard.
I started crying too. I didn't even notice until Willow
looked up at me and wiped at my face with her hand.
She knows I hate to cry. Normally, anyways, but not
then. I pulled her to me as tight as I could and went on.
"It's about how unfair that is and how there's nothing
we can really do to help her. And it's about how we try
anyways, we do our best to take even a little bit of the
weight off of her shoulders, and how it's so damned hard
to do even what little we can, and how it breaks our heart
to realize it's not even a fraction of what she goes through,
but it's the best we can do." I could feel the sobs struggling
to burst from my chest, but I held on and kept control. I
had to say this. Buffy needed me to say this. "It's about
how we'll probably get killed doing this just like she will,
and how that scares the hell out of us but we don't let it
stop us. We can't let it stop us. Because there's nothing
else we can do. If we walk away and save ourselves, we'd
be abandoning the whole world. But that doesn't mean a
thing compared to the fact that we'd be abandoning our
best friend to fight alone, and there's no way we can do
that. It's about how if we have to die to make sure she
knows she's not alone, we'll do it without thinking twice.
Not because she's the Slayer. Not because she saves the
world. Because she's Buffy. Our friend. And because she's
worth dying for just because she's our friend. Because we
love her." Willow was bawling now, and I finally broke. We
both clutched each other and cried like babies, holding nothing
back, sobbing our feelings out with our whole heart and soul.
I don't know how long we cried. I don't care. Long enough
to let some of the pain go. The pain for Buffy and the pain
for ourselves. Willow was the first one to stop. She's always
been the strong one, even though she'd never agree. She
held me and rocked me as I finished crying. She's done that
for me more times than I can count, and every single time
I've been embarassed on some level. Real men don't cry,
that sort of thing. Embarassed by my weakness. Not this
time. Never again. Life's too short to worry about looking
weak in front of someone who loves you. I could be weak
in front of Willow, and that only made me stronger. Or
something. I'm not a philosopher.
Finally I cried myself out, and moved out of Willow's
arms. I reached over to wipe her face off, and she did
the same for me. Then we just looked at each other for
a second.
"Buffy." We both said it at the exact same time. And
we didn't say another word as we got up and got our
coats and crosses and stakes and holy water and other
slaying-stuff. Right before we left Willow let out a
little yelp and dashed back into the kitchen. She came
back with the last carton of ice cream and three spoons.
Then I took her hand in mine as we left the house and
walked into the night to find Buffy and remind her that
she wasn't alone. That she'd never be alone.
God bless Buddy Lee, that's all I can say.
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NOTES:
This probably didn't make a whole lot of sense to people
who aren't Buddy Lee fans. Take a look at his site at
www.buddylee.com if you're interested.
Cool stuff.
I'm not entirely sure where Xander's Buddy=Buffy speech
came from. This was originally intended to be fairly light-
hearted in an "Awww, cute, Willow cries at commercials!"
kind of way. I was all set to finish it up at 1 or 2 in the
morning one night when I couldn't sleep, when Xander
started crying and saying all this angsty stuff about Buffy's
destiny to die young. I sure as hell didn't write all that, I just
typed it. But what the heck, I'm willing to take the credit.
Several people pointed out that while the Buddy=Buffy idea
is good, you can also make a damn good case for Buddy=
Xander. I think they're absolutely right - both Buddy and
Xander are Men Of Action, out there fighting the good
fight with a smile on their face no matter how much they
get hurt. It never even occurred to me before other people
mentioned it, but I'm gonna say my subconscious knew it
all along.
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