There is no terror in a bang, but in the anticipation of it.
--Alfred Hitchcock

The Early Morning Shuffle is not an easy art to master, but Buffy could
have taught classes. Years of little or no sleep had taught her how to
navigate a kitchen, pour a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice, and
start brewing a pot of coffee without ever opening her eyes.
This morning, however, she was rather surprised to find the coffee already
made and the breakfast table already occupied. Xander, showered and
dressed, was sitting at the table, a half-eaten Pop-Tart in his hand,
gazing out at the sunny backyard.
"mrng," Buffy managed as she sloshed the java into a mug.
"Good morning," he said. "Isn't it a beautiful day?"
"Whuh? Holon." Buffy took a sip of the life-giving brew. Neurons began to
fire. Her eyes ratcheted open a notch. "Isn'it wha?"
"I mean, I never knew the backyard got that much sun in the mornings. We
should eat out there!"
Buffy looked at him for a moment, then took another, larger gulp. "Why?"
"Because! Because we let too many little things like that get past us, and
we never even know what we're missing!" Xander smiled. "You know. Roses.
And the stopping and smelling of them."
Buffy finished her coffee and poured some more. It was clearly going to be
a two-mug kind of morning.
"Uh huh. So why so chipper?"
"Oh, uh…" Xander looked at the clock. "I'll tell you later. I gotta go get
registered for classes!" He stood up, devoured the rest of the Pop-Tart in
three bites, grabbed an apple from the counter, and moved to the kitchen
door, where he nearly collided with Willow.
"Oh! Hi!" she chirped.
"Hi! Are you okay?"
"Yeah, not a scratch."
"Good."
They looked at each other for a long moment. Then they noticed Buffy
staring at them.
"I gotta go," Xander said softly.
"I know. Have a good day at school."
"I hope so."
They leaned a little closer to each other…then Xander, grinning, moved
around her. After a moment, they heard him drive away.
"Morning!" Willow said, smiling. "Beautiful morning, isn't it?"
"Uh huh," Buffy said.
Willow stood at the screen door to the backyard and took a deep
breath. "Mmmm! Smells great out here! Just…just so alive and green and
everything!"
"Green. Right."
"You know, we're always so busy. We never stop to appreciate the things we have."
Buffy took a long, deep swig from the mug. She needed to think this
through. After all, yesterday, these two had been in the depths of misery
yet again…what with Oz coming back, and Anya returning, and…and now they were both…
all happy and joyful…and Oz and Anya were nowhere in sight.
It didn't click until she took one last swig from the mug. Suddenly, her eyes went 
wide, and she turned on Willow, mouth open in shock.
"You had SEX!"
Willow leapt about six feet into the air. "What?!"
"Oh my GOD, you had SEX! With XANDER!"
"What are you-"
"You and Xander totally had sex!"
"Ssssh! No we didn't!"
By this point, Buffy was jumping up and down and pointing. "SEX SEX SEX!"
"We did not!" Willow insisted. Then, a small smirk played on her
mouth. "Not yet, anyway."
Buffy stared, sat down at the table, and pulled out the chair next to her.
"You will tell me what happened this very instant. And no editing will take
place."
Willow sat down, grinning. She recounted the story of yesterday, how she
and Xander had settled everything with their respective paramours and found
themselves in each others' arms.
"…and then, and then he said 'I love you, Willow Rosenberg.'" Willow sighed
deeply, a hand on her heart.
"Well, I'm glad he said that. Otherwise, you might be confused with all the
other Willows he knows."
"Oh, sure, mock. My knees nearly gave out when he said that!"
Buffy leaned in closer, eyes wide. "So then what happened?"
"Well…then I asked him up to my room."
"Wicked creature!"
"You know, you're enjoying yourself a little too much," Willow said with a
mock pout.
"A brazen hussy is what you are."
"I lead a life of intrigue, it's true. Do you want to hear the rest of this
story?"
"Oh hell yeah."
"Then shush. Now…we went upstairs, and…" Willow blushed. "Some clothing
was shed. Some. We sat on the bed, and…you know, kissing…"
"Am I old enough to hear the rest of this?" Buffy asked, enjoying herself
immensely.
"Well…we ended up lying in each other's arms…" She sighed happily. "He felt
so good, you have no idea. So very good."
Buffy waited a moment before prompting her. "Yes…?"
"So good that we sorta fell asleep like that."
Buffy stared. For rather a long time.
"You fell asleep," she deadpanned.
"After extensive snuggling, yes."
Buffy sighed and got up. "How am I supposed to live vicariously through you two 
with this kind of material?"
"Well, don't worry," Willow snarked. "We'll be sure to let you know when something 
happens."
"So what happens now?" Buffy asked.
"Well..."



"Giles!" Xander burst through the door of Giles' home and stopped short. 
Spike was sitting on Giles' couch, watching the daytime soaps. "…the hell are 
you doin' here?"
"Now is that any way to speak to a friend?"
"We aren't friends, Leechy O'Parasite. Where's Giles?"
"In the bedroom. I've noticed a lot of demons gone missing 'round town. Not my 
doin', not the Slayer's either. Thought you might like to know." Spike spread his 
hands wide in response to Xander's skeptical look. "What? If there's some dosh 
in it, I'm happy to help."
"Whatever."
"Oooh, your stinging comeback cuts me to the quick."
"Leave him alone, Spike," Giles said. He was carrying two large tomes, one under 
each arm. "Here. Start with this one. There's some kind of demon that feeds off 
its fellows, see if you can find it."
"Yeah, yeah…"
"And what can I do for you?" Giles asked Xander.
"Do you have any suits that aren't…you know, excessively librariany?"
Giles leveled his gaze at him. "What a fascinating method of asking for favors 
you have."
"Come on, you know what I mean…I'm going out to dinner with Willow tonight and 
I need some fancy duds."
"Well, if you're looking for a dud, you came to the right place," Spike muttered. 
Giles managed to ignore him.
"A dinner date with Willow?" Giles smiled. "Well, er…congratulations, I suppose. 
But why didn't you borrow a suit from your uncle? Surely he's closer your size."
"Have you seen the way Rory dresses?"
"Say no more." Giles considered. "I think I've got an old black suit that might 
fit…let me see."
"Thanks, G." Giles returned to the bedroom, leaving Xander and Spike to try and 
ignore each other.
"So…goin' out with Witchy-Poo, then."
"Don't even start with me, Deadboy Junior."
That one hurt.
"No, no," Spike said smoothly. "I just wanted to congratulate you."
"Well…thank you." Xander blinked. "For what?"
"'s a pretty brave thing you're doing."
"I'm going to dinner."
"Yeah, yeah, but I'm talking about what comes after dinner."
"A late movie?"
Spike raised an eyebrow at him.
"Oh, I am not even discussing this with you-"
"Look, I'm just sayin', at some point you two are gonna do the thing, yeah? 
I don't know how confident I'd be in the same situation."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Well…I mean, she's used to different things now."
Xander said nothing.
"She's used to somebody with all the same bits as her. All I'm sayin' is, I'd 
have to make sure I was at the top of my game in a situation like that."
Xander said more nothing.
"Maybe do some tongue exercises an' that," Spike said innocently.
Xander looked slightly pale.
"Here we are!" Giles said, coming out of the bedroom with a garment bag in his 
hands. "This should do nicely."
"Uh…yeah," Xander said, distracted. "Thanks, Giles."
"Now remember. Be a gentleman. You do know how to do that?"
"I'm pretty sure."
"And Xander?" Giles leaned in closer. "Since I'm sure her father is out of town, 
allow me to say that if you damage her in any way, I will harm you in a grevious 
manner."
That managed to make Xander smile. "Not me."
"Good. Have a good time!"
"Yeah. Good luck!" Spike shot Xander a very obvious wink. Xander shook his head and 
walked out, looking very confused.
"What was all that about?"
"Nothing. Guy stuff." Spike returned to his book, murmuring "Moo ha ha" under his breath.



"Hey, Mrs-Joyce." Willow stepped through the door into the Summers' kitchen. 
"How are you?"
"Oh, hello, Willow!" Joyce rummaged in her pocketbook and produced a set of keys. 
"Actually, I was just about to go out. There's some kind of tapestry-related 
emergency at the museum."
"Oh, okay. I'm just here to pick up a dress from Buffy's closet."
"Help yourself. Dawn's up there now. I think she's-"
"Who?"
"Dawn." Willow's face was blank. "You know, my other daughter? Buffy's sister? 
You tutored her in calculus last year?"
"Dawn…" It came to her suddenly, as though everything she'd ever known about 
Dawn had just been put there. "Right! Dawn, of course. Jeez, what was that?"
"That's so odd. Something like that happened to me this morning. Anyway, she's 
up there, and I have to go…"
"Okay. Thanks!" Willow trotted up the stairs. Buffy's room was not difficult 
to spot. It was the one with all the boxes in front of it. Willow walked in and 
saw Dawn Summers going through a pile of her sister's clothing. "Hey, Dawnie!"
Dawn looked up and smiled. "Hey! Come on in." She held up a pink T-shirt with 
white Chinese characters on the front. "Is it me or what?"
"I think it's more Buffy than you, seeing as how she, you know, owns it."
"Well, it's not like she took it with her when she moved out. It's fair game now. 
Those are the rules."
"Really? Who made these rules?"
"Uh…I did. But that makes them no less binding."
"I see." Willow crossed to the closet. "Well then, I'd better move fast. Did you 
see a red dress in here?"
"Towards the back, I think. Why?"
"I have a date."
Dawn's expression moved from confusion to realization to excitement in three 
milliseconds. "With?"
"One Xander L. Harris of Sunnydale, California."
It took Dawn a minute or two to stop going "OMIGODOMIGODOMIGOD!"
"You approve, then?" Willow said with a smirk.
"I totally approve! When did this happen?"
"Last night."
"Wowwww…was he romantic?"
"Totally romantic."
"Awwww…I knew he would be…"
Willow smiled. Dawn had always had a crush on Xander, and it had only increased 
during this summer… Willow tried to remember specific instances, but then her 
head felt cloudy and she wanted to think about something else.
"Wow," Dawn continued. "The big date!"
"The big date."
"So…are you two gonna…"
"What?"
Dawn blushed. "You know…"
Willow did know, but it took her a moment. "Dawn Summers!"
"Well…I mean, this has been going on for a long time, right? I just thought that, 
like, you two would sort of…beallovereachother."
"Honestly!" Willow said, wondering why she was speaking like a shocked spinster 
from an Austen novel. "I mean, I…and he…it's our first date! Ever! And...he wouldn't 
expect me to…"
She trailed off. Dawn began to realize what she'd done.
"Oh, God," Willow said, looking at nothing in particular.
"Oh, but…no, he wouldn't!" Dawn cried. "He totally wouldn't. Expect you. Because 
he's a gentleman!"
"Yes. Yes!" Willow clung to that. "Gentleman! Right! Uh…you know, maybe the red 
dress? Not the thing for me to be wearing. Not when there's…" She reached into 
the closet and pulled out a high-necked green frock. "This! Which is…elegant…"
"Willow, come on, that's the color of chewed gum. Our aunt with the gout gave 
Buffy that for Christmas last year. She never wears it."
"Well, I don't see why not. It's very…"
"Ugly?"
"Tasteful."
"It looks like it tastes like spinach."
"I, uh…have to get ready. Bye!"
"Will-"
"I'm fine, honestly. I just need to get ready."
And calm down, she added to herself.



 It was a beautiful late summer night. The moon
shone down on the alley behind Melvoin's, a very nice,
if trendy, restaurant. Two of the waitresses were
leaning against the back door, sharing a cigarette.
"How's your night going?" the first asked.
"Don't even ask. I've had three spills already."
"Wow."
"You wanna know what's worse? It was all at the same
table."
"Ohhh. A bunch of kids?"
"Nope. Couple on a date."
The first waitress smirked. "Well, that must be going
well."
"It's amazing. First, the girl spilled water all over
the tablecloth. Then, the guy spilled wine on his
pants. For the hat trick-and don't ask me how they did
this, they must have been in training-both, at the
same time, sprayed salad dressing on each other."
"Uh…are they, like, impaired or something?"
"No!" The second waitress said. "I think they're just
crazy nervous!"
"Come on, mutual salad dressing spillage? No one's
that nervous."
At that moment, a third waitress came through the
kitchen. "Janet, you'd better get back here. Table #3
is on fire."



The drive back was very quiet. Xander and Willow
fidgeted in their seats, both waiting for the other
person to speak. Xander flexed his fingers on the
wheel until he couldn't stand it any longer.
"I don't suppose you want to stop and get some ice
cream?"
"GAH!" Willow shouted. "Ah! Sorry! Sorry. I was, uh,
lost. In thought."
"Sorry, sorry…"
They sank back into silence.
"So…" Willow tried. "How was your chicken?"
"Oh, good. Very. I never had it like that before."
"On fire, you mean?"
"No." Willow winced. Shouldn't have brought that up.
"It's not like you meant to knock over that candle."
"It really wasn't."
"I mean, there was no way you could know that it'd
fall into that pool of oily salad dressing and flame
up like that."
Xander turned and looked at her. Willow looked back.
"Causing the smoke detectors to go off," Xander added,
the first hint of a smile coming to his lips.
"And then the sprinklers," Willow added.
They tried to hold straight faces.
"At least that might get the dressing stains out…"
Willow couldn't take it; she broke out laughing. Xander quickly joined her. 
"And, and then the waitress!" Willow gasped. "Demanded that we drink the 
calming tea!"
"I hope I left her a big enough tip!" Xander snerked. The two of them laughed 
until they were out of energy.
"We're okay, right?" he asked after a moment.
"Yeah! Of course!" Willow flushed. "You know, because,
the two of us! And the destiny! And…we're just
nervous."
"We really are."
"I know I am."
They drove in silence for a few moments.
"What are you nervous about?" Willow asked.
"What? Me? Nothing! In particular. Nothing in
particular."
"Oh, me either!"
The car pulled up in front of Xanascoob. They sat in
their seats a moment.
"Um," Willow said.
"Normally, I would walk you to the door," Xander said.
"Don't you have to do that anyway?" Willow asked. "I
mean, you do live here."
"Right. Okay." Xander got out and tried to make it
around the car to open Willow's door for her, but she
was out of the car before he could. "So…when do you
want to try again?"
Willow smiled. "How about…Thursday night?"
"I'll be there. Uh…where should-"
"You know what?" Willow asked. "Let's just make it up
as we go. We should just let the date happen. Like
zen."
"A zen date! Okay! Cool!" He paused, then began to
lean towards her.
It was the only easy thing they'd done all night. Her
face tilted up to his. Their lips met. After a moment,
his tongue played lightly along her lower lip, and her
arms were around him. His hands moved down her back,
pausing just above her bottom…then-
"Whoa!" Willow blurted.
"Sorry! Sorry!"
"No, don't be! Because…nice is what that was, but…"
"I just got a little carried away, and-"
"It's fine! Really!" She put a hand on his arm.
"Really."
"Okay." He took her hand. "Won't happen again."
"Well, I hope that's not true," Willow said with a
smile.
"Lemme try that again." Xander bent low and lightly
brushed his lips against her knuckles. "I had a lovely
evening."
It took Willow a moment to find her voice. "So did I.
And now, I'm going to go upstairs and melt into a
puddle."
"Good night, Will."
"Good night, Xander."
Xander waited until she was inside and upstairs before
walking back to the car. There was something he needed
if he was going to do this thing right.



Buffy hurled the stake; it sank into the shoulder of
the fleeing vampire. She poured on the speed; she'd
found this particular bloodsucker standing over the
bodies of a young woman, and that was one too many.
They were running through one of the seedier sections
of Sunnydale. The sounds of their footsteps echoed
through the empty streets.
The vampire looked back and snarled in panic. He
looked around; straight ahead was a plate glass window
full of neon, advertising XXX! BOOKS! VIDEOS! TOYS!
Maybe there was a back way; he leapt straight through
the window, shattering it.
Buffy swore as she jumped after it. The place was
probably a maze of shelves inside; he could lose her
easily unless…
…unless Xander was there, blocking his avenue of
escape with a stake.
Buffy blinked, and it almost killed her; the vampire
leapt back from Xander towards her, but the Slayer's
reflexes served her well. Her stake found its mark,
and the vampire exploded into a cloud of dust.
"Wow!" Xander said, far too loudly. "It sure is lucky
that I was in the area! Patrolling!"
Buffy looked at Xander. Buffy looked at the store, at
the terrified man cowering behind the cash register,
at the inflatable sheep dolls. Buffy looked at the
stack of videos on the counter. Buffy looked at the
credit card on top of the videos in the name of A.L.
Harris. Buffy looked at Xander again.
"There's an explanation," Xander said quickly.
"Oh, I bloody well hope so," Buffy said, folding her
arms and glaring at him.
"Uh…" The clerk stood up. "Do you still want-"
"No," Buffy snapped. "He doesn't."
"But I kinda need those," Xander said.
"For what?" Buffy picked up the stack. "I mean, look
at these. No Boys Allowed? Paradise Island: Amazons
in Love? Chasing Amy and Janet and Shelley and
Lauren and Brittany? What could you possibly need
these for?"
"I need them for Willow."
Buffy blinked. Finally, she grabbed Xander's card and
tossed it to him.
"We're going to walk home. You're going to explain
yourself, and I'm going to decide whether or not to
kill you."



"Okay," Xander said as they walked back to the house.
"This is what I was thinking."
"You were doing this thinking with your actual head
and not the other one, right?"
"Do you mind?"
"Fine. Go ahead."
"Okay. Well…okay. For the past few months, Willow's
been…you know…"
"A lesbian."
"Right. But now she and I are together."
"So, bisexual." Buffy thought. "You're not trying to
get a threesome, are you? Because let me tell you, I'm
not-"
"Oh. Dear. God."
"Sorry."
Xander took a deep breath. "See…eventually, she and I
are going to make love, right? And…I mean, with
Anya…she wasn't really interested in the
above-the-waist part."
Buffy shivered.
"Hey, you asked."
"Okay. Continue."
"So…the reason I wanted those videos is, I wanted to
see how two women make love, so I could…you know…do
some of the same stuff. I don't wanna be all Pow Pow
Pow, you know?"
Buffy considered this.
"So you were buying pornography out of sensitivity for
Willow's feelings?"
"It made sense at the time."
"Oh, Xander…"
"Well, what else was I supposed to do? She's used to,
like, floaty butterfly sex, and my experience is
limited to Anya and Faith! And Faith? Not exactly all
about the foreplay. I mean, seven minutes of pounding
and I was out the door!"
Buffy stopped.
"What?" Xander asked, turning back.
"Uh…how long?" Buffy asked.
"Seven minutes or so," Xander said. "Yeah, I remember,
when she was in your body, she even mentioned it.
Okay, well, maybe six since I had to get the condom
on, but other than that-"
"You lost your virginity to a Slayer…and you lasted
seven minutes."
"Yeah." Xander blinked. "What, is that good?"
Buffy stared at him.
"That's…yeah," Buffy finally said. "Yes, that is, in
fact, very good."
"Well, great, but that's not gonna do me any good with
Willow." They kept walking. "So, um, is seven minutes,
like, really good?"
"Parker only lasted two. And he wasn't all about the
foreplay either."
"Speaking of your love life, he said, desperate to
change the subject, when's Riley coming back?"
"Nice narration," Buffy said with a sigh. "He should be back Thursday."



Riley Finn's truck pulled up to the House of the Rising Scoobs. He got out and 
made a deep stretch. He'd just managed to beat the sunset; thirty-two hours of 
solid driving, plus meals, but he'd made it. He yawned and stepped up to the 
front door. What he needed was sleep, preferably in the same bed as Buffy.
The door flew open before he could touch it, and a small blonde blur flew into 
his arms.
"*kiss* Hi, baby!" Buffy said between smooches. He put his arms around her and 
squeezed.
"Hey," he replied. He kissed her neck and took a deep breath of her. "Oh, man, 
it's been a long summer."
"You have no idea." She took him by the hand and led him into the house. "How 
do you feel?"
"Exhausted," Riley said.
"Oh," Buffy said, disappointed. "Not about to get your second wind?"
"No, I got that in Nevada. I think I'm working on my fourth. Why? What's up?"
"Well…" She led him on, into the kitchen. Giles, Willow, Xander and Spike were 
gathered around a table, looking at a map.
"…and you're sure this is its location?" Giles asked.
"That's right," Spike replied. "It's made a lair right under the rubbish tip. 
Trust me, you can't mistake that smell."
"So what kind of demon is this thing?" Willow asked.
"The Lusaca isn't so much a demon as it is a collection of demons," Giles said. 
"Dead demons."
"My favorite kind," Buffy said.
"You won't like these," Spike said. "This thing uses demon corpses. Breaks 'em 
down, makes 'em part of its big, smelly body." He noticed Riley. "Ah, speaking of 
big and smelly…"
"Ram it, jackass."
"Sure you're allowed to use words like that? Probably have to put a few dollars 
in the collection plate come Sunday."
"Your fee goes down every time you insult somebody, Spike," Buffy said. "All right. 
Willow, Xander, Giles, I want you aboveground, see if there's any activity. Spike, 
you're with me in the tunnels. We'll hit it where it lives. Riley…get some rest."
"Yeah, right. If he's going down there with you, I'm going too."
"Riley, I'll be fine. Spike can't hurt me, remember? Plus, hey, the Slayer."
"But I can't just-"
"Listen to her, man," Xander added. "You look wiped. We'll be fine."
"'Man?'" Spike scoffed. "Gonna drink lite beers and share your feelings now?"
"That's 20 bucks, Spike. All right…let's move, people!"



"Beautiful night," Willow commented as they strolled between the piles of garbage.
"Yeah," Xander snarked. "If you're a rat."
Willow rolled her eyes and gripped her knife tightly. "You had to mention rats."
"Sorry." He patted her back reassuringly. Then he rubbed it a little.
"Mmmm…" Willow's eyes closed. Then they snapped open. "Xander?"
"What?" He looked and noticed what he was doing. "Sorry," he said, snapping his 
hand back. He smiled abashedly.
"We need to go on another date soon," Willow murmured.
"Really," Xander whispered as he scanned the area, looking for signs of movement. 
"So you're a little anxious yourself, then."
"Well, not…not anxious, like anxious anxious, I mean…look, we need to keep our 
minds on what we're doing."
"Right. Absolutely." Xander took a practice swing with the short axe he'd been given.
"Besides, it's not like we need to just…rut."
Xander looked at her quizzically. "Rut?"
"It's a nicer word than-"
"Fuck!"
"Xander!"
"What? No, not you, I just stepped in something." He kicked furiously, trying to 
dislodge something moist and sticky from his shoe. "Anyway, who mentioned rutting?"
"Well…me, but…ignore me. I have no idea what I'm talking about."
They walked on into the malodorous gloom.
"This was probably easier with Tara, huh?" Xander asked.
Willow stiffened. "You really have no idea how to talk to women, do you?"
"What?"
"You're not supposed to mention the old girlfriend! I mean, you wouldn't mention 
the old boyfriend, would you?"
"Sorry. I think some of these fumes are getting to me."
Something rustled to their right. Xander hefted the axe, ready to commit some 
serious onomatopoeia. He peered. Something small and foul wriggled its way out of 
a mass of filth a few feet away.
"Is it a rat? It's not a rat, is it? Don't tell me if it's a rat."
"It's not a rat."
"Good." Willow peeked over his shoulder. "You're not just saying it's not a rat, 
are you?"
"It's not a rat." Xander took a step forward. "I don't know what the hell that is…"
"But not a rat."
"No."
"Okay." Willow took a deep breath.
"I didn't know rats freaked you out so much," Xander said.
"Well, you don't know everything about me," Willow said airily.
"I'm looking forward to finding out."
They grinned at each other. Then Willow frowned. "I don't believe you have me 
thinking about sex in the middle of a garbage dump."
"My pheromones are overpowering." Xander blinked. "Wait, you're thinking about 
sex? Like, right now?"
"I was a minute ago."
"So was I! Wow. Simpatico!" Xander took a look back. The thing that wasn't a rat 
was still there, scratching itself with a hind leg. "We should get moving."
"We can't. What if the rat bites us?"
"It's not a rat. Anyway, Amy's a rat and she doesn't bother you."
"Didn't I tell you? She's not a rat anymore."
"Since when?"
"Well…we kept her in Tara's room. So when Tara…left, and cleaned out her room 
with magic, she sorta took Amy with her."
"To Olympus."
"I got a call from her a few days later. She was in Athens. Just wanted to let 
me know."
Xander shook his head. "Well, that was nice of her. And of Tara, for…" He trailed 
off. Mustn't mention the old girlfriend. "Anyway. I'll go shoo away the thing."
"Thank you."
Xander took a step forward and brandished the axe. "Come on, beat it. Move. 
Amscray! Vamanos!" He took a swing at the thing.
The thing, which he could now see was like a cross between a frog and a cat, 
opened a too-large mouth and roared at him. Xander stumbled backwards, screaming. 
The frog-cat roared again and leapt…
The tentacle shot straight out of the ground and snagged the frog-cat in mid-air. 
It dragged it down in a half-second, making a sizable hole as it did. Xander 
found himself scrambling for purchase as the ground became a sinkhole. Willow 
grabbed his hand and held on as Xander managed to get to solid ground.
The area in front of them was now open on a huge, sandy pit. Inside, they could 
see something black and gelatinous. On the edges, they saw Buffy and Spike hacking 
away at it.
"Giles!" Willow yelled. "Get over here! We've found it!"
"The hell you did," Spike said, jabbing it with a sword. "I bloody found it!" 
He dodged a tentacle and sliced at the Lusaca again. "And I'm chargin' extra!"
"Less talky, more stabby!" Buffy replied. Her sword moved at impossible speeds, 
carving her way through the tentacles.
"Is it me or is that thing a death pudding?" Xander asked.
"I…" Willow squinted. "You know, I think it is…"
"I'm here!" Giles ran up behind them. "What's happening?"
"Tea and crumpets, what's it look like, you git?" Spike cried.
"Twenty bucks!" Buffy cried back.
"Worth every penny!"
"Keep it distracted!" Giles cried as he rummaged in the satchel he'd brought along. 
"Xander, Willow, be on guard! It may try-"
One of the tentacles shot out of the pit, aiming for Giles' head. Willow's hand 
shot out and jabbed it mid-strike; the tentacle pulled back, taking her knife 
with it.
"Hurry up, Giles!" Buffy yelled.
Giles produced a vial of powder from the satchel and pulled out the top.
"What's that?" Xander asked.
"It's a powder designed specifically for killing Lusaca demons," Giles said. He 
pulled his arm back and hurled; the vial landed in the middle of the Lusaca's back 
and began to sink into its flesh, bubbling as it made its way down.
"Is that all it takes?" Xander asked.
"Essentially. It's not unlike pouring salt on a slug…but when the powder reaches 
the creature's heart, the effect should be-"
There was a squeal almost too high to hear and a sound like a boil being burst, 
amplified by a thousand. Xander, Willow and Giles gaped as a huge stream of black 
fluid shot up into the night. They stared; all that was left of the Lusaca was a 
torn, fleshy husk. Buffy and Spike were covered in the black, nasty stuff.
"Oh, sick!" Xander moaned. "Man, I'm glad I didn't get-"
He was interrupted by the stream of black fluid returning to Earth just where they 
were standing.



Riley hadn't bothered to go to bed; he'd just crashed out on the living room couch, 
where he'd had a very odd dream about a water slide. He was interrupted by the 
front door slamming open.
"Do you want the shower?" Willow asked.
"Take it!" Xander replied. "I'll use the hose, it's quicker!"
By the time Riley had his eyes open, they were both gone. He got up and followed 
the sound of running water outside. Xander was stripped to his boxers, vigorously 
spraying himself with a garden hose.
"Do I even want to know?" Riley asked.
"You really don't." Xander checked himself. "Do I have any, say, clumps of black 
Jello stuck to my body?"
Riley looked, remembering the good old days when nobody would ever have cause to 
ask him a question like that.
"You're clean."
"I'll never be clean again." He stumbled back inside. The laundry room was just 
off from the kitchen; he grabbed the first clean things that would fit and threw 
them on. He walked back out and saw Riley sitting at the kitchen table. "Sorry 
we woke you."
"That's okay. Where's Buffy?"
"She went to her mom's to shower. It was closer."
"What happened?"
"The world's biggest blackhead exploded on us."
Riley shuddered. "Okay, so I'm a little glad she made me stay home." He yawned. 
"So what else has been going on?"
Xander told him.



"So you and Willow are going out."
"Yeah."
"And your uncle Rory may or may not be your father."
"Yeah."
"And Anya left town."
"Yeah."
"And Tara is a goddess."
"Yeah."
"And you were a stripper."
"Yeah."
Riley stared for a long, long time.
"How long was I gone?!"
Xander laughed. "Hey, you had it easy. We had to live it."
Riley shook his head. "So…you and Willow."
"Yep."
"How's that goin'?"
"It's goin'," Xander said, nodding. "We're just having a little trouble with the 
take-off. I think we're both kinda nervous about…you know."
"Why?"
"Well…" Xander tried to find reasons. He had some, he was sure of that… "Uh…well, 
I mean, she was…with Tara, and she's…you know, not used to…"
"Oh, come on. That's nothing to be worried about. Look, if she wants to be with 
you, she's already considered that and it's not an issue, right? I mean, what 
made you worry about something like that?"
"I was talking to-" Xander stopped and scowled. "Never mind."
"You're a good guy, Xander," Riley said. "Just treat her right, show her respect, 
make sure she knows you love her. The rest is details."
Xander thought about that. "That's all, huh?"
"Well, I realize it's different than your Cordelia and Anya strategies, but yeah…" 
Riley stood up. "I gotta get some sleep. G'night."
"Night. Thanks, man." Xander watched him go, then listened to him go upstairs. 
After a moment, he heard other, lighter footsteps coming down. He got up and walked 
to the door.
Willow was standing at the foot of the stairs, wrapped in a fuzzy bathrobe. 
Her skin was still pink from the shower, her hair tousled. She was smiling nervously.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi," he whispered back.
Without quite meaning to, they both leaned into a kiss. A moment later, they were 
embracing.
"Feel better?" Willow asked.
"Much. You?"
"Yeah." She kissed his neck. "Much better."
"Could I just tell you something?" Xander asked.
"O-okay."
"I'm totally nervous about this…about us. But I just want you to know…I wouldn't 
give up this chance for anything, Will."
She looked up at him, her breath caught inside for a moment. He kissed her cheek, 
then her chin.
"And I'm not in a rush," he continued. "For anything. I know it might seem like 
I am, but…"
She reached up and touched his lips.
"I love you," she said, and kissed him.
"I love you too," he replied. He put his hands on either side of her face. "I absolutely 
adore you."
As Willow kissed him, her hands moved up to touch the back of his neck. Their bodies 
were pressed together, his body cold from the hose, hers hot from the shower, and 
she could feel him through the bathrobe. She felt his body grow warmer…and harder. 
I'm going to do it, she thought. As soon as we stop kissing, I'm going to invite 
him back up to my room and by God we are going to make love so incredibly that 
songs will be written about it.
Her fingers moved up through his hair…



Xander muttered as he rubbed several different types of shampoo into his scalp. Of
all the places for a piece of Lusaca to end up, it had to be in his hair, where
Willow could find it. The things he had to deal with. He was still scrubbing when 
he heard the door open.
"It's me," Willow said before he could say anything.
"Hey," Xander replied. He suddenly felt rather vulnerable behind the curtain. 
"Something wrong?"
"Nothing that can't be fixed…do me a favor?"
"Uh…okay."
"Close your eyes."
Xander poked his head through the curtain. She was standing there, smiling, still 
in her bathrobe.
"What, do you need to pee or something?"
Willow rolled her eyes. "Or something. You'll see."
Xander shrugged. His head moved back behind the curtain and closed his eyes. 
"Okay. They're shut."
There was a soft flutter from behind him, followed by a quick draft. Then, he 
heard himself moan as a warm body pressed against him from behind.
"You can open them now," Willow said.
He did as he turned around. Then he shut them again, since they rather wanted to 
pop out of his head. He looked at her naked body unabashedly, hungrily. "Whoa." 
Oh, nice, he berated himself. Check you out with the poetry, you doorknob. 
"You…" He tried to take a breath. "The mouth not wanting to make the words."
Willow smiled a half-shy, half-delighted smile and put her arms around him.
"Are you shocked?" she asked.
"That's one word," Xander replied, grinning. He leaned down and kissed her, 
nuzzling her neck.
"Mmmmm," Willow mmmmmed. Her hands were moving over his back
"You are so damn hot," Xander whispered in her ear, before gently nibbling on her 
earlobe.
His hands moved down from the back of her neck to her shoulder blades. His kisses 
moved from her ear to her shoulder. God, she was exquisite, so amazingly beautiful 
that he made plans to build a time machine, go back about four years, and kick 
himself. He moved lower, kissing the skin just above her breast. He was just 
about to introduce himself to her nipples when he heard the rattling.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Whuh?" Willow transported from Happy Kissing World back to reality. "What?"
"That rattling."
"I…" Willow listened. "It sounds like it's coming from the pipes."
They looked. 
The showerhead quivered slightly…



Tara tried to suppress a giggle as the showerhead went flying off the water pipe. 
It bonked Xander in the head, sending the lovers leaping out of
the shower and driving any thoughts of lovemaking from
their minds. She did not hear the soft footstep of
Aphrodite behind her until it was too late.
"Tara."
Tara did not respond. She didn't turn away from the
scrying glass. She simply watched as Willow and Xander
covered themselves. Willow checked Xander to see if he'd been cut, but the 
showerhead hadn't broken the skin. They were saying things, something
about how it wasn't going to happen tonight,
confirming the date for tomorrow night.
"Tara, let her go."
"I want to." Tara turned to look at her aunt. "I do, I
honestly do, but…it's so hard."
"I know, dearest, but this isn't helping. First the
hair, then the shower? You'll have them thinking we're
trying to tell them something."
Tara hung her head. "I'm s-sorry…"
Aphrodite took her niece in her arms. "You'll be all
right, you know."
"I know."
"But this has gone on long enough." Aphrodite looked
into her eyes. "They're ready. And now you have to be
too."
Tara looked back at the scrying glass. Willow was
going to sleep. She still slept on the right side of
the bed.
"I will be."



Willow was seated at a long table, which was made entirely of watermelon sherbet. 
She took a spoon, dipped it into the placemat and pulled out a healthy scoop. 
She hummed with pleasure as the sherbet melted down her throat. "Tastes like 
seaweed!" she said delightedly. She turned to her dinner companion, Emily Bronte. 
"What do you think?"
"A splendid table," Miss Bronte agreed, and she took a dainty bite of her napkin.
"Willow?"
Willow looked at the end of the table. Tara was standing there, dressed in the 
shimmering white garment she'd worn on Mount Olympus.
"Oh," Willow said, guardedly. "Hello, Tara. Take a seat. There's plenty for 
everybody."
"Thank you." Tara took a seat to Willow's left. "How are you?"
"I'm all right. Emily and I were just about to plot out each other's novels. 
I'm going to write Jane Eyre!" She frowned. "Wait. Didn't Charlotte Bronte 
write that?"
"I'm not sure," Emily said. "I can't keep us straight either."
"Anyway, I'm not sure what to call mine. Maybe A Hacker Amongst The Spirits, 
like Houdini's book. What do you think?"
Tara looked at her for a long moment.
"Are you happy, Willow?"
Willow's smile melted into a worried frown.
"I…Tara, are you all right?"
"I just n-need to know, Willow." Tara wrung her hands to keep herself from 
reaching out to Willow. "Are you happy? Are you sure?"
Willow's hands reached across the table to cover Tara's.
"Tara…I love you. I always will. But…he lives inside my heart. I look at him, 
and I can't imagine not being with him." She smiled. "And the way he loves me 
back…Tara, I can feel it through walls."
Tara nodded. Her eyes, much to her surprise, were dry.
"Okay." She got out of her chair and knelt by Willow's chair. "You've ruined me, 
you know. You were the first human feeling I ever had, and now…I'll never love 
anyone the way I loved you. And nobody'll ever love me the way you did."
"Don't say that." Willow took Tara's face in her hands and kissed her. "Don't 
ever say that. You're wonderful, Tara." She put her arms around her former love. 
"Someday, somebody's going to come along, Tara, and she's going to love you the 
moment she lays eyes on you."
"Willow?" Tara whispered.
"What?"
"Please forgive me."
Willow leaned back so she could look in Tara's eyes. "I forgive you, sweet."
Tara nodded and gently stepped back from Willow's embrace.
"Rest now," she said. "Dream of your loves…all your loves."
"Okay," Willow said. She leaned back in her chair, which, conveniently enough, 
had turned into a fluffy purple cloud. She lay on her side, her hand splayed out 
as though reaching for something.
"One more stop," Tara murmured as she faded from view.



Xander looked nervously around the room. It stretched out infinitely in all 
directions; the white tile floor was the only thing giving the place any sense 
of reality. His desk had an ancient typewriter on top of it. There were desks 
all around him in all eight directions, and all around those, and all around 
those. The chimpanzees were shrieking, howling and typing.
Xander leaned to the left and looked at what the chimp to his left was typing. 
He's got as far as 'Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer' 
when the chimp ripped the paper out of the typewriter and glared at him.
"Sorry!" Xander said, rearing back. He fingered the keys. "To be or not to be, 
that is the question. Whether it's nobler to suffer the stings and arrows of 
outrageous misfortune…" That was all he could think of. 
A moment later, the chimps screeched in terror as a lightning bolt exploded in 
front of Xander's desk. A hand reached out of a cloud of smoke and grabbed him 
by the shirtfront.
"You hurt her," Tara snarled, "and you will never be dead enough."
Xander opened his mouth to retort…then shut it.
"You know I won't," he finally said.
Tara nodded. "Yeah. I know." She waved a hand over his face. He gently collapsed 
on the desk. "Rest."



Tara reappeared before Aphrodite in a flash of light.
Aphrodite raise an eyebrow. Her niece looked
different, as though she had finally resolved
something within herself.
"Tara?"
"I'm ready," Tara replied. "Let's do it."



The next day was…different. Willow sensed it as soon
as she woke up. She felt light, as though the law of
gravity had been suddenly repealed. She pulled on her
robe and tiptoed to Xander's room. He was sprawled on
the bed, his mouth wide open and snoring. Willow
suppressed a giggle and looked around for a pen. Then,
she went about her morning routine.
When Xander finally woke up a couple of hours later,
he felt more rested than he had in months. When he sat
up, a piece of paper slid from his chest. "See you
tonight. XOXOXXX, Willow. PS-XXXOOXXX!" He smiled, got
up, and got ready for class.
Downstairs, he found Buffy and Riley canoodling at the
breakfast table. They blushed and decoupled when he
walked into the room.
"Please, resume your snogging," Xander said with a
smirk as he rummaged in the fridge.
"Actually, I gotta get to class." Riley kissed Buffy's
cheek. "Seven o'clock?"
"I'll be there. Love you, baby."
Riley said his "love yous" and "see yas" to the
appropriate people and made his exit.
"What's at seven?" Xander asked.
"Well, Mom's spending the night in L.A. for some art
auction, so we're keeping an eye on Dawn. Tonight,
she's on a group date."
"Isn't she a little young for that?"
"Dating or groups?"
"Both."
"She'll be fine." Buffy took a deep breath and smiled
at the world. "You're right. We should eat in the
backyard. It's a beautiful day."
"It truly is."



To: wrosenberg@ucsd.edu
From: larrytalbot@onenet.com	

will,

   like the address? practically every version of "oz"
was taken, so i had to fall back on werewolf
references. i'm writing from seattle. the strangest
thing's happened-anya and i have formed a band. for a
vengeance demon, she plays a mean lead guitar. we're
doing all right. we're still trying to decide on a
name, though. she wants to call us "anya & oz," which
i think is a little uninspired. plus, it makes us
sound like belle and sebastian, and that's totally not 
our sound. any suggestions?

i'm not sure why i'm telling you this. it's weird.

actually, yes i do. i never told you i was happy for you, and i am. you deserve 
all the happiness in the world, will.

anyway…we're alive and doing all right. write me and tell me how you are.

ttyl,
oz

Willow reread the email, bemused. Oz and Anya. In a band. Any other day, this 
sort of revelation would have aggravated her, but today, it just seemed to fit. 
There was something strange about today. She logged out of the computer and 
leaned against the counter of the bookstore. Only a couple of hours left in her 
shift, and then…
"Willow! There you are!" Giles emerged from one of the aisles, three or four 
paperback books in his hands. "Terrible place to find your way in…"
"I carry bread crumbs, myself." She took the books from him. "Doing some light 
reading?"
"They're for Olivia. She had a free week unexpectedly, and she's arriving at the 
airport tonight. I couldn't believe it when she told me she'd never read a Travis 
McGee novel."
"Who?"
Giles stared at her, affronted.
"I'm just kidding," Willow said, smiling. "I just like to make you get that 'you 
young people know nothing' look. So the on-again-off-again is on again, then?"
"It seems to be," Giles admitted. "She's still a little skittish about the lives 
we lead. That's why we'll be staying at the airport Hilton. So if you need me…"
"We'll call you." Willow took Giles' cash and bagged the books. "Here ya go. 
Go get 'er, tiger!"
"Er…yes." Giles smiled, nodded, and headed on his way. Willow watched him go. 
Something was definitely strange about today. And for once, not in a bad way.



The moon rose over Sunnydale.
And, for once, that was all.
All over the town, the undead slumbered in their graves. They lay unmoving in 
their coffins, their hunger sated by a force they could not name. The zombies 
mouldered peacefully and the demons stayed at home.
A light burned within one mausoleum. If you looked inside, you would see several 
bottles of Glenfiddich scattered over the floor. You would see a golden trail of 
the stuff, leading to the upturned mouth of a bottle, held in the grip of William 
the Bloody.
Spike had found the case waiting on his doorstep. He had no idea who would provide 
him with a case of his favorite scotch, but he was a great believer in carpe noctem. 
Now, drunk as the House of Lords, he slurred in his slumber.
"No...no, Slayer. Won't. 'cause. Yer beneath me...aw, don' cry, pet…'ma bad, 
bad man…'m sorry, give us a kiss…thassit. Thass my girl…"
The dead slept, and the living lived, and Willow and Xander found themselves in 
an empty house.



Xander got home second. Willow was sitting in a chair, her feet tucked under her, 
reading a book. There was something Irish on the stereo, all pipes and violins. 
He had a moment to study her before she looked up and saw him.
"Hey," she said, putting it aside. "What's so interesting?"
"Nothin'. I just like watching you read."
Willow smiled and walked over to him.
"How was-" they both began. "It was-" they both began again.
"After you," Willow demurred.
"How was your day?"
"Fine. I saw Giles, he's off to see his girlfriend."
"Really? I saw Buffy. She's staying at her mom's house with Riley."
Two sets of eyebrows raised.
"Are you hungry?" Willow asked.
"Starving."
"You do realize I'm talking about food."
"…oh. Yeah, I could eat."



They cooked together, Willow chopping up vegetables for a salad while Xander 
boiled the spaghetti. They ate, and their conversation was practically non-verbal; 
they sipped their wine and tried not to slurp their pasta and smiled at each other. 
They washed the dishes together, and liberal splashing took place.
"So…" Xander began when the debris was gone. "Do you want to go out, or…"
"No," Willow said decisively. "I want to stay right here."
"Did you…have something in mind?" Xander took a step closer to you.
"A few things," Willow said with a smile.
They sat together in the living room. They didn't say much, a murmur here and 
there. Mostly, they leaned against each other, each loving the heat and feel of 
the other. They watched the moon and listened to the silence.
"So quiet tonight," Willow whispered.
"Yeah." He kissed the top of her head. "Will?"
"Mmm?"
"I love you."
Willow looked up at him. A moment later, she was kissing him, and nothing had 
ever been so simple. His hands were in her hair, her fingers were caressing the 
back of his neck, the two of them were growing warmer…
"I want to make love to you!" Xander said before he could stop himself. Willow 
looked at him, her eyes widening. "I mean…if you want to."
Willow took his hand and kissed his fingertips.
"I want to."
She stood up and pulled him by the hand.
"I, uh…I never said anything like that before," Xander stammered.
"I'm glad you said it to me."
Hand in hand, they walked up the stairs. Willow led him into her room and turned 
back to him. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed and kissed him and 
kissed him and kissed him. It took them a second to get their breath back.
"Whoa," Xander said. "You good with the kissing of me."
Willow giggled. Xander started to pull off his shirt. "No…" Willow pushed his 
hands away and took the hem in her hands. She pulled the shirt over his head. 
Her hands rested on his chest, feeling his warmth.
Xander kissed her, his hands on her shoulders, and slid them down to her waist. 
She raised her arms over her head to accommodate him; it was the work of a moment 
to remove her shirt. He reached around with both hands to undo her bra; he gently 
slid the straps from her shoulders.
"You're shaking," Willow said.
"So are you," Xander replied. He undid the buttons of her jeans and slid them 
down to her ankles. His breathing didn't want to slow down; he slowly pulled down 
her panties, then moved his hands up along the backs of her legs, over her calves 
and thighs, up past her bottom, until he was standing and touching her hips.
She undid his belt and jeans and returned the favor; the boxers went along for 
the ride, so there was only need for the one trip. He was already hard, and she 
could not resist taking him in her hand for a moment. Xander made a sound like 
"WwwwAWP," and the two of them burst out laughing.
"God, you're beautiful," Willow murmured.
"Me? You're the beautiful one," Xander said. He pressed himself against her, and 
it was the sweetest ache of his life.
"Lie down," Willow said. Xander did so A moment later, he was back up, rummaging 
in his wallet for a condom. A few moments of greasy fumbling later, he was ready.
Willow swung her leg over-



Tara waved her hand over the scrying glass. It went cloudy. She looked at it for 
a moment. It hurt…but only just.
"How are you?" Aphrodite asked.
"I'll live." Tara took her aunt's hand. "They'll be fine."
"They will. So will you."
"Like I said…I'll l-live." They walked away from Aphrodite's chamber. "So do they 
still have that place with the ambrosia and the nymphs?"



"I was thinking about something."
The moonlight fell over Willow's bed, where they lay in sweet exhaustion.
"What's that?" Xander asked, brushing his fingers against her thigh.
"Well, do you believe in alternate universes?"
"Believe in them? Like I believe in gravity believe in them?"
"Sure."
"Mmmm…sure, I guess so."
"It just makes me wonder if every version of us gets this."
He kissed her neck. "Probably not. Hence the alternate-ness."
"That's sad." Willow hugged him.
"Yeah, but…like, there's us, right? And maybe there's other versions of us who 
get close to something like it."
"I guess." She kissed him. "I guess we'll just have to make up for all the ones 
who didn't make it."
He kissed her back. "I'll do my best."
"So will I." She snuggled against him and closed her eyes. "Love you, Xander."
"Love you, Will."
And so, the two lovers slept peacefully…and dreamed dreams they could spent the 
rest of their lives making come true. Together. 
Somewhere, Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris live happily ever after.



Show a little inspiration, baby, show a little spark 
Show the world a little light when you show it your heart... 
We've got two lives, one we're given and the other one we make 
And the world won't stop, and actions speak louder 
Listen to your heart, and your heart might say 
Everything we got, we got the hard way.
--Mary Chapin Carpenter

THE END

All of this is copyright Joss Whedon, except the stuff that isn't.