z e n . b u f f y

Zen Buffy
[by victoria p.]

Rating: PG

Summary: Response to the ABC Challenge on Unfit for Society.

Notes: Thanks to Dot, Meg, Jen, and Pete. This is an ABC fic, if you can't tell.

Date: August 9, 2001

Buffy stared at the flame intently.

Comforted by its cheery flickering, she sought to delve deeply into herself, the way Giles had taught her.

Dawn was with Willow and Tara, safe. Everyone was safe -- she had made sure of that

Feeling her anxiety level climbing at the thought of returning to Slayerhood, she redoubled her efforts at meditation.

Giles' voice whispered in the back of her mind, "Concentrate."

He had been so good to her and Dawn after Joyce's death, though she knew it was hard for him, too. It had to be. Joyce had been his friend; they'd even been lovers (even though she tried really hard *not* to think about that).

Keeping her thoughts focused was always harder than she expected it to be. Like small children at the playground, they tended to scatter in all directions as soon as she tried to gather and control them.

Most times, it was easy enough to marshal them and sink deep into a peaceful trance.

Not now; not tonight.

Only three days risen from her grave, Buffy was still bewildered and more than a little fragile. Peace -- the peace she'd longed for and had finally won with her sacrifice -- eluded her.

Quieting her rebellious thoughts, she once again tried to center herself. Retreating deeper into her mind, she sighed as the world faded from her consciousness. She took deep, even breaths at gradually lengthening intervals, settling into a soothing rhythm.

There is only this, she thought, body and soul together as one.

Understanding that had been hard, but right before the climactic battle with Glory -- just after she had been reduced to catatonia by Dawn's kidnapping -- she'd suddenly grasped it.

Vocalizing almost inaudibly, she hummed, the crooning making her body vibrate comfortingly. Wordlessly, she bade her body to relax, easing her soul, as well.

Yearning, need, desire - all of these were gone as she floated off into nothingness; it was almost like being dead, but better, because she was alive to appreciate it.

Zen-Buffy.

At last.

Fin

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Disclaimer: All Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, David Greenwalt, Greenwolf Productions, Sand Dollar, and the Kuzuis. I do not own them and do not intend any infringement on any copyrights.