Logan's Little Problem
An X-Men/Seinfeld Crossover
by Khaki and Victoria P.
It's all Peggy's and Khaki's fault.
Khaki provided the picture from which I made the icon:
Peggy said Logan was looking a little chesty, and not in a manly way, and Khaki uttered the words, "man-boobs."
It was all downhill from there.
Disclaimer: We own nothing. Not even a manssiere.
Updated: July 18, 2002
See the graphic Khaki made?! Isn't it great?
Logan had been working out a lot, Rogue noticed. He seemed to be spending more and more time in the gym as the weeks passed.
And she noticed, when he wore a tight t-shirt (which was often) or went shirtless (even more often), that he seemed to... bounce a little.
When Kitty was heard to grumble, "Logan's got bigger boobs than I do," she decided it was time to take action.
She got on the phone to Elaine Benes, whom she'd met after rescuing her from the FoH. The woman was a menace to society, but she'd given Marie the secret to the best chocolate babka in the city, so Marie kept in touch.
The next day, Mr. Costanza and Kramer arrived at the mansion.
Rogue didn't tell Logan what it was all about. She knew he was touchy about his looks and his body, especially considering how old he might be.
But she didn't count on the sheer blind stupidity of the two salesmen.
They pulled out the contraption, which looked like a bra, but with more... muscle behind it. Rogue bit the inside of her cheek to keep from giggling.
"What the FUCK is that?" Logan asked.
"It's a bro!" Kramer bellowed.
"Manssiere!" Mr. Costanza snapped back.
*Snikt*
"I don't care what it is, bub. I don't wear women's underwear, whatever Marie might say!"
"Logan," Marie interrupted, gently placing a gloved hand on his shoulder. "It's not women's underwear. It's for men who need a little... support."
"Since I've been wearing one, my back has never felt better," Mr. Costanza declared.
"It's a miracle invention for the full-figured man," Kramer added.
"I am not full-figured," Logan growled.
"You don't have to be ashamed anymore," Mr. Constanza said. "The Manssiere can help the bosomy man."
"Bosomy!" Logan whirled on his wife. "You think I'm ... bosomy?" He looked down at his bulging, manly pectorals, his lower lip jutting out in an adorable pout.
"Well--" Kramer began.
"Zip it, bub," Logan said, not even looking at him. Kramer zipped it. "I thought you liked my manly bulging pecs?"
"I did," Marie answered, and then quickly corrected herself. "I do. I love everything about you, Logan."
"Then, why..."
"I just thought you might be uncomfortable. I know when I go out jogging, sometimes even a sports bra isn't enough to control the... um, jiggling."
"I jiggle?" Logan asked in disbelief, looking down again at the chest that, until a few minutes ago, he had thought was manly perfection.
"I... I mean..."
As Marie searched for the right words, Kramer grabbed Logan's elbows from behind and lifted his arms until they were away from his sides.
Logan wheeled around. "What the hell do you think you're doing, bub?"
Kramer's nervous smile appeared and disappeared from his face as Logan growled before him.
"Uh... measuring you," he said, holding up his measuring tape.
"Measuring me?"
"Yes," Frank Costanza replied. "The Manssiere has four sizes: abutment, buttress, citadel, and fortress."
"It's a Bro," Kramer corrected, "and the sizes are athletic, brawny, courageous, and daring."
"Abutment, buttress, citadel, and fortress!"
"Athletic, brawny, courageous, and daring! And mine are still a, b, c, and d. Where'd you get fortress from?"
"I couldn't think of a 'd' word for a foundation."
"So you picked fortress?"
Frank Costanza stepped closer to Kramer and pointed his index finger into the air. "Fortress is just as good!"
~*~
To be continued...
Will Logan find the perfect bra, ahem, manssiere? Will Kramer get clawed? Will the X-Men realize that Frank Costanza is an evil mastermind even more evil and mastermind-y than, er, Mastermind?
Stay tuned...
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