Unspoken: Silk and Steel

Silk and Steel
by anonymous

Rating: R for slash and some language

Summary: Xavier and Scott discuss barriers.

Notes: Sheesh, you gals write so fast! By the time I've thought of an idea, you're five relationships further into the story. Oh well, think this will fit after Min's 'Trying' ... if I'm quick ...

Date: October 1, 2001

Scott was torn between dread and relief that this was the morning of his weekly review meeting with the Professor. Dread, that Xavier would immediately sense what a certifiable disaster zone he was inside, even if the glasses did hide his haggard and probably red-rimmed eyes. Relief, at this oasis of routine amidst the chaotic rubble of his life. As the meeting progressed, the familiar reports and analysis began to soothe him, helping him to regain some measure of equilibrium. First, the accounts and any unexpected expenditure or proposals for future spending. Then, the school and pupils that needed help, or praise, or just a stern look in passing. (A telepath and a guilty conscience tended to generate enough self-punishment for minor infractions.) Finally, the current status of the X-Men and their equipment, with any prospective changes.

"We've already discussed the idea of those older students who are considering joining the X-Men going on some of the training exercises, and I think it will be of benefit to them if they go in pairs rather than as individuals. It will give them a chance to interact with their contemporaries as team members and we'll be able to monitor which personalities and gifts work best together," he was saying as he turned to the last sheet in his folder. "I suggest that we start off with Kitty and John, then Jubilee and Bobby. Ororo can take both pairs out within the next month."

"Is there any reason why Ororo shouldn't take one pair and you the other?" asked the Professor.

"I thought it best that one team leader appraise all the potential candidates,. Her team is in reserve this month, and the students will probably feel more comfortable ... " he trailed off as he tried to find the right phrasing.

"In a team that is not an emotional minefield of relationships?" suggested Xavier.

Scott shut the folder and seemed to be fascinated by the X embossed on its cover. "Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the fact that telepathy is a mutant gift?"

"Not out loud," Xavier said with a smile of rueful sympathy.

"I suppose you've been trying not to eavesdrop on the ongoing Westchester soap opera," said Scott with a touch of bitterness that he couldn't suppress.

"You know I would never enter another mind uninvited, Scott. But the feelings have been so strong recently that they've been breaking through everyone's barriers including my own. I can adjust my gift but like Logan's sense of smell it cannot ..."

Scott held up a hand in a 'stop' gesture. "I really don't want to hear Logan's name right now."

"Ah," said Xavier managing to imbue the sound with a wealth of expression. He was quiet for a moment, then continued, "Do you want to hear Marie's name, or is that another one you can't face?"

Scott's head whipped up then dropped again to regard his hands, lying on the folder in front of him, clenched in a knot of fingers. "Marie and I are no longer engaged. We've talked ... we've tried ... last night ... we weren't ... I wasn't able ..." He hesitated, unable to find words that described his utter failure as a man and a person. "There's too much separating Marie and me now, perhaps there always was."

Xavier spoke gently, "You still care for her deeply. Are you sure there's no way forward together?"

Scott shook his head silently.

"What if I was to tell you that Marie could control her gift so you could touch at last? No barriers between you."

Scott sucked in his breath as if he'd been struck. For a moment his thoughts were full of pale skin, unguarded, warm to his touch, but when he concentrated the face wasn't the one that had greeted him so many mornings. The laugh he gave had little humour in it. "A year ago, even a month ago, that might have made all the difference. Do you really mean it? She has the ability to touch?"

"Not yet, but we have been working on it and I am confident that she will be able to very soon. The force of her gift is exceptionally strong, but so is Marie."

"Yes, she is." Scott considered what Xavier had revealed, and for the first time in many days felt an uncomplicated emotion and surprised, recognised it as happiness. He looked up and smiled at Xavier. "I'm glad for her, she will be overjoyed. It's something she's wanted for so long."

"You've both wanted it."

"But it's too late for us. It wasn't the real barrier. We just used it as one."

They sat in silence for a while. Then Xavier began to speak, faltered and began again. Scott looked up, his attention caught by the hesitation of the man who always seemed so assured.

"You know ... You're aware that Erik and I were very ... close."

Scott was astonished. He had known for a long time that Magneto and Xavier had been friends when younger, but when Marie had been forced to absorb some of Magneto's power she had also taken his personality for a short while. Her tenderness towards the Professor had been simultaneously touching and horrific. When he had realised what it meant, he was ashamed to admit to himself that he had had what Jubilee might describe as an 'Eeew' moment. His self-disgust was only mitigated slightly by the realisation that he was having a belated and slightly misplaced 'my parents had sex' epiphany. He remembered Marie murmuring as she fell asleep one night soon after, "He loves him so very much." He had lain awake that night coming to terms with the waywardness of emotions, and now he wondered if that taste of true love had been a revelation to Marie as well. He realised that Xavier was still waiting for a reply.

"Yes," he said firmly trying to project acceptance. "I know."

Xavier smiled and nodded, then continued. "At that period it was not only something that could not be expressed openly, but it was illegal. However I was very rich which buys a lot of blind eyes and we were both very discreet. Erik and I had the same vision of humanity and mutants co-existing peacefully together and it was only as time went by that we realised we wanted to achieve this aim by different methods. There came an evening when there was a party here in the mansion. Rich and influential people were invited so we could wine and dine them, and give them a warm feeling about their tolerance for these freaks that were beginning to appear. Erik and I would do little tricks like bending spoons or reading cards. One of the guests had drunk rather too much and was beginning to verge on insults when he was talking to me. Erik listened for a while and then said in a voice that carried all too well, 'Does it bother you more that he's a cripple, or a mutant, or that I'm fucking him?' Then he walked out. As host I couldn't follow him but luckily, and perhaps not surprisingly, the guests began to leave soon after. Then I went upstairs and Erik and I had the mother and father of all arguments. We only refrained from resorting to our powers because we knew we were so evenly matched. The next day he left, and it was many weeks before I understood why he'd apparently abandoned all prudence."

Scott understood immediately. "You needed a barrier."

"Yes, we couldn't carry on together and Erik chose not to drag it out. When we stormed and ranted at each other, it was the world we were furious with."

Scott thought back to how he and Marie had been tearing each other apart these last few days. It was more satisfying to hurt a person than an uncaring world. Yet Marie was one of the people in the world he least wanted to see hurt. When had he forgotten that? The future they would have together was not what he had planned, but he wanted her to have a place in his life even if she would no longer be by his side. And if he was to be alone, well, he wasn't the only one.

"Do you think you and ... " Scott hesitated, 'Magneto' seemed too impersonal, but he couldn't bring himself to use 'Erik'. He continued, "Lensherr will ever be together again?"

"I think of it every day. I imagine that Erik will have a Road to Damascus experience and be filled with love for all mankind." Xavier's raised eyebrow invited Scott to share the mockery. His voice became colder. "I fear that humans will do something so terrible that the only path I can see is to join with Erik to war against them. I hope, or perhaps dream, that there will come a day when humans and mutants see only people when they look at each other."

Scott reached out his hand and covered Xavier's where it lay on the desk. "That's my dream, too." Xavier laid his other hand on top of Scott's, then as the moment lengthened and threatened to shatter Scott's hard-won composure, he smiled with an expression of mischief that made him seem younger than Scott. "And, of course, there are those moments when I think we should just run away and join the circus. Erik could bend iron bars and I could do a mind-reading act."

Scott was surprised into a hoot of laughter and anyone passing the study would have wondered why Mr. Summers was suddenly so happy.

~*~

Compass Points and Protractor Burns by Allison

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Disclaimer: All X-Men characters belong to Marvel and Fox; this piece of fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.