t h e r e ' s . a . s t i c k . t h a t . t a l k s

There's a Stick That Talks?
[by victoria p.]

Rating: Adult

Summary: Truth will out.

Notes: Based on a conversation with Mousapelli and All Her Fault. One line lifted from SportsNight (Jeremy Goodwin wins at life!). Title from the Angel episode "Sense and Sensitivity."

Date: April 25, 2005

"Found it," Remus said. Sirius looked up to see him marking the place in the old scroll with long, ink-stained fingers as it rolled shut.

Sirius noticed, not for the first time, that Remus's hands were large and strong, the curve of his wrists elegant where they showed because his sleeves were too short after his last growth spurt.

Sirius shook himself, frowning slightly before recalling the matter at hand. "Well?"

Remus maneuvered around the table, still keeping one hand inside the scroll, until he stood beside Sirius. "It's not exactly the same, but the result should be what you're looking for."

Sirius read the scroll over quickly, the faded ink and archaic language no hindrance. More distracting was the soft smell of Remus's robes -- boysweat and wool and grass mixed now with dust and old books. Sirius needed to get out into fresh air soon if he was starting to find the smell of old books attractive. Sirius forced himself to concentrate on the scroll, not Remus. He'd spent too much time lately concentrating on Remus, and it was making him nervous.

After reading through the incantation and its instructions, he smiled, mind racing with possibilities. "Yes," he said. "It should be exactly what James is looking for."

***

James's eyes sparkled with almost maniacal glee as held up the enchanted quill.

"Sheer genius," he breathed.

Sirius had to smile. "We are, in fact, geniuses. Now the question is, are you sure you can get it into her satchel?"

"Leave Lily to me. She's always dropping her pencil box and spilling her things all over the place. I'll make sure this quill finds its way into her hands at tonight's meeting."

"Don't hand it to her. Don't want her knowing it came from you."

James waved his hand dismissively. "I think you'll discover she'll happily take this quill, and everything else I plan to give her."

"We'll find out one way or another, I suppose, as soon as you get the bloody thing into her hands."

James smiled slyly. "Watch and learn, Mr. Padfoot. The next time you fall in love, perhaps I'll even let you use the quill yourself."

Sirius snorted. "Not planning on doing that any time soon. Love makes you daft. I'm perfectly happy with a shag and a fag and a 'see you real soon.'" He didn't have the patience or energy for girls who wanted more than a quick tumble -- they always wanted to talk about their feelings and the latest styles from Madam Malkin's, rather than the latest Who record or the Chudley Cannons' chances to make the playoffs. As far as Sirius was concerned, girls had one purpose, and talking wasn't it. Talking was for friends, like James and Remus.

"You say that now," James said with the wisdom of one who had been single-mindedly chasing the same girl for four years, "but it's different when it happens to you."

Sirius shook his head. "I'd rather you hexed me blind than let me act like a lovesick fool."

James just laughed.

***

The next morning in Transfiguration, James's grin was so cocky Sirius wanted to wipe it off his face with his fist, but McGonagall was at the blackboard and clearly not in the mood for shenanigans.

Remus leaned over and whispered, "My quill's broken again. Can you --"

Before Sirius could answer, Lily glanced back and, with a deft flick of her wrist, floated a new quill onto Remus's desk. Remus smiled his thanks and Sirius felt a brief moment of panic. Then he shrugged. It wasn't as if he didn't already know all of Remus's secrets, and Remus was sure to return the quill to her at the end of the lesson, so it didn't matter.

As McGonagall lectured them on the legality of permanent human transfiguration, the drone of her voice was interrupted only by the scratch of quill on parchment. Sirius lounged carelessly, occasionally jotting down pertinent facts but convinced that whatever he didn't pick up simply from listening he could glean from Remus's meticulous notes.

Remus was hunched over his parchment, scribbling frantically, the pink tip of his tongue pressed to his upper lip. Sirius found himself staring at it as Remus's face scrunched into a puzzled frown, his usually pale face rosy.

Sirius smiled. Moony had hidden depths, so maybe there were secrets left, after all. It looked like his notes might make for extremely interesting reading.

At the end of the lesson, Remus couldn't meet Lily's eyes as he handed the quill to her; he rushed out of the classroom without waiting for his friends. Sirius grinned and resolved to read that parchment as soon as possible.

***

For the first time ever, Remus refused to share his notes.

"It's not as if you need them, Sirius, and, and, the whole thing's a mess. That quill of Lily's was wonky -- splotches all over the place. I'm going to have to recopy the whole thing to make any sense of it." He flushed, and Sirius could have sworn he heard him murmur, "And burn the original."

It must be really juicy, Sirius thought, because Remus used and reused every scrap of parchment that came to him, often wearing them nearly transparent with erasing charms.

He waited until Remus and James had left for the Prefects meeting and Peter was serving detention, and then went scrabbling through Remus's trunk.

The parchment was crumpled in a ball at the bottom, beneath the ugly brown jumper Remus's mum had sent him for Christmas last year, which had never been worn, and nearly a dozen unmatched socks, which seemed to breed like rabbits in their laundry.

Sirius settled down on the bed and smoothed it out, his own name jumping out at him from the increasingly cramped and spotty text.

Things started off normally enough.

Permanent human transfiguration is tightly regulated by the Ministry of Magic. Only in cases of medical emergency can such operations be performed without consent. I wonder if there's some way to transfigure the wolf away. That's probably really illegal, too. Sirius became an illegal Animagus for me. Sirius smiled. Along with the Map, becoming Animagi was the best thing they'd ever done. Of course, so did James and Peter. So I don't think it means anything. I mean, I know it means they're my friends, but I don't think it means anything more.

I wish it did.

~~I think I'm in love with Sirius.~~

Sirius blinked and sat back in shock.

He'd wondered, occasionally, about Remus's lack of interest in the opposite sex, lately had even begun to hope that maybe, possibly, he might like boys, but hadn't really expected it. He hadn't even admitted to himself that he'd hoped for it, but he couldn't deny the surge of joy he felt at reading Remus's words.

A small voice in the back of his mind (it sounded remarkably like Remus, actually) whispered that perhaps he was better off not reading the rest, because it might make things awkward, and after last year's debacle with Snape, Sirius didn't want to go through another week of uncomfortable silences broken by Remus's tentative attempts at normalcy and his own too-hearty behavior in response.

But Sirius had never been one to listen to the voice of reason, especially not once his ego and his curiosity were in play. Add in the revelation that his most secret wish might be true, and there was no turning back. He leaned forward again, scanning past another few sentences on transfiguration until he found the next bit of Remus's unwilling confession.

When he comes out of the shower with the towel slung over his hips, I want to lay him down on his bed and lick all the water off him as it runs over his clavicle and his chest and down over his flat stomach. I want to kneel between his legs, wrap my mouth around his cock and suck until he comes down my throat.

Then I want to turn him over and fuck him into the mattress. What the fuck am I doing? What kind of quill did Lily give me?

Remus's shock came through even in writing, and it jolted Sirius out of reading. He found himself unconsciously stroking his prick through his now-tight trousers. This was better than the wank mags they kept stashed beneath Peter's bed. Because if Sirius closed his eyes, he could actually see the look on Remus's face, the little furrow between his brows, the way his lips reddened when he chewed them nervously during exams. He imagined those lips wrapping around the head of his cock, Remus's soft hair brushing against his skin as he slid his mouth up and down...

Sirius quickly removed his trousers and y-fronts and then, prick in hand, continued to read.

I really want to sink my teeth into his tight, firm arse -- just hard enough to let him know he's mine. I'd get him ready slowly, spread him open with my tongue and fingers first--

Sirius swallowed hard and squirmed a little, hand still stroking hard and quick. Remus's handwriting had deteriorated rapidly, and there were bits of illegible words scattered on the page, attempts at actual note taking. Sirius wasn't interested in those. His heart hammered against his ribs and his breathing was ragged as he jacked himself, eyes still scanning the parchment for more.

Then I'd fuck him, his arse tight and hot around my cock, his cock in my hand, until he came again, screaming my name. Then I'd come inside him, and it would be even better than that time with Angus McNamara in Greenhouse Three, because it's Sirius.

Oh God, I have to burn this. What is wrong with me?

Sirius barely noticed the mention of another boy's name. He felt a soft breeze waft over his overheated, sensitive skin and put it down to the brush of Remus's breath in his imagination. There was more, but he was so close, on fire with it -- heat and tension cresting and breaking as he came, spilling himself over his hand and belly, spattering the parchment and the linens.

"Sirius." Remus's voice brought him out of his post-orgasm haze. Remus leaned against the door, arms folded against his chest -- standard defensive Remus behavior.

"Oh, fuck." Sirius pulled the blankets up to his chin, scrambling to clean himself up, to hide the parchment. He tried to force himself not to blush, as Remus appeared to be blushing enough for both of them.

"The spell worked." Remus pushed off the door and walked toward the bed. Sirius had never noticed how graceful he'd become, once he'd grown into himself. He wasn't as tall as Sirius, who sometimes felt like he'd never stop growing, but he was slightly taller than James right now, all long legs and economical movements. "That's why I--"

"Yeah," Sirius croaked, still hiding beneath the covers. "We didn't tell you because--"

"You figured I wouldn't help if I knew James wanted to give it to Lily."

Sirius shrugged. "You're soft for that girl, Moony. All of you. I don't get it. Shrieks like a fishwife at the slightest sign someone might be having fun."

Remus sighed. "You just don't like her because James does."

"That's not true! I--"

Remus pulled a quill -- the quill? -- out of his sleeve, took a bit of parchment out of his pocket and tossed them onto the bed. His nostrils flared -- he could hardly miss the smell, Sirius knew -- and his eyes sparked dangerously, but his voice was mild when he said, "Let's find out."

"Is that what you're really interested in knowing?" Sirius was surprised at how rough his voice sounded, as if he'd been screaming for hours.

"Not the only thing, but it'll do for a start." Remus also sounded hoarse, and something about his tone made Sirius's skin tingle.

Sirius shifted forward, picking up the quill and settling the parchment on his lap. "I can't write like this," he stalled.

Remus bent and pulled his Arithmancy text out of his bookbag, giving Sirius a perfect view of his arse. His hand moved of its own volition across the page, recording the first thought that crossed his mind.

Moony has a nice arse.

Remus handed him the book and blushed again as he caught sight of what Sirius had written.

"Lily first." Sirius tried pouting at him, but Remus would not be distracted. He tapped the parchment.

I'm afraid James loves Lily more than he loves me. Not that I want James to like me like that. I really, really don't. But if he really loves her, what about me?

"Oh, Padfoot." Remus's hand twitched, as if he wanted to reach out, but checked himself. "You know it doesn't work like that."

"But what if it does?"

"It doesn't."

"But what if it does?" He hated how young he sounded, how unsure. But it was okay, because Moony wouldn't laugh at him.

"You love James, right?" Sirius nodded. "And you love Quidditch, right? You didn't stop loving Quidditch when you and James became friends, did you?"

"That's not the same thing."

"Exactly."

"I don't--" Sirius shook his head. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Sure it does. You're James's best friend. Lily may, someday, if he doesn't screw up too badly, actually be his girlfriend."

"She used the quill, then?"

"She didn't have to. She agreed to go to Hogsmeade with him before the meeting, and I stole it out of her bag when she wasn't looking." This time Remus did reach out and touch Sirius's shoulder, and Sirius leaned into the contact. "Just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean he won't be your best friend anymore. It's not as if he's never had a girlfriend before."

"But none of them were Lily Evans."

"True, but think of it this way -- maybe we won't have to listen to him blather on about her all the time if they get together."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "And how long have you known James?"

Remus laughed. "Touché. Maybe it'll just be a little less." Remus dropped his hand and Sirius had to stop himself from whining at the loss. "Maybe he can set you up with one of her friends."

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Why would I want that?"

"Don't. Just don't," Remus said, shaking his head.

Sirius ignored him and began writing.

I read what you wrote, and I liked it. I really liked it. I don't know. I think I want to do those things with you. I just had the best wank of my life reading about it, imagining it.

"Sirius?" Remus's voice was soft, disbelieving.

It's not the first time I've thought of it. I've wondered for a while now, but didn't think you'd be interested. Are you?

"Really?"

Sirius looked up from the parchment to see Remus staring at him, heat and hunger in his eyes.

"Really."

Remus bent and brushed a soft kiss on his lips, and Sirius thought he might actually have to thank James for making the quill in the first place.

***

When James arrived back at the dormitory, he found the quill lying on his pillow, with a note from Sirius.

Thanks, mate. Best idea you ever had. Good luck with Evans.

James looked from the quill in his hand to the drawn curtains of Sirius's bed, and decided he didn't really want to know. He folded the note and tucked it into his trunk, glad Padfoot had finally come around, and tossed the quill into the fire, wrinkling his nose at the smell of burning feather. Wouldn't do for it to fall into the wrong hands.

end

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