Attack of the Killer Peeps II: Riot Chicks

Attack of the Killer Peeps II:
Riot Chicks

Author: Victoria P.

Summary: Sequel to Terri's Attack of the Killer Peeps. This time, it's personal!

Rating: PG

Notes: Thanks to Dot, Meg, Jen, and Pete. Happy Passover! Happy Palm Sunday! Don't eat the peeps!

Bobby Drake lay warm and sleepy in his bed, all wrapped up in the arms of his cuddlesome, furry, blue lover, Hank McCoy. It was Easter morning, and the mansion had just yesterday come under attack from the hideous evil bunny peeps.

Now that everything was back to normal, Bobby luxuriated in the feel of Hank's fur against his chest. No more waking up to Kitty, or Rogue, or St. John.

That's when he heard it.

"We know you're in there, bunny. Now you can go easy or you can go hard, but either way, you're going."

Cracking an eye open, Bobby saw what looked like an army of yellow marshmallow chicks surrounding the bed. He closed his eye. He was still asleep. He was just dreaming and --

"You'll never take me, Chicken Little! Big Blue there himself saved me." It was a little yellow bunny, standing on the night table. I definitely have to stop drinking the water here, Bobby thought. We're too damn close to Jersey.

"He's just going to experiment on you. How do you think we got this way?" Bobby looked again at the chicks -- they were all deformed in some way.

"Hank," he murmured, nudging his boyfriend, "wake up, Hank."

Hank grumbled and huffed in his sleep, but Bobby pressed an ice-cold hand to his cheek. "I thought we discussed more pleasant ways of awakening me, Bobby," Hank said, urbane even upon waking.

"It's an emergency," Bobby insisted, nodding his head toward the foot of the bed, where the chicks, some wearing little soldier or sailor hats, were climbing the comforter. One of the sailor-chicks had a razor between its teeth, or where its teeth would have been, if it had had teeth.

"Oh my stars and garters!" Hank exclaimed. "Mutated peeps! Dear God, what have I done?"

"I thought Scott killed them all yesterday," Jean said, rushing into the room, looking harried. "I can't, I just can't go through another incident like the one -- you know --" She couldn't even mention it, but she and Scott had almost gotten divorced because one of the bunnies had made her have sex with Logan in the garden. There were also rumors of an abortion, but Scott and Logan glared at anyone who dared to mention it.

The yellow bunny grinned evilly, which was disturbing, as it didn't have much of a mouth. "I did that, and I'd do it again!" it declared.

"Where's Scott? He can incinerate them," Hank said calmly.

Bobby jumped up, realized he had no underwear on, and dove back under the covers.

"Like I haven't seen it all before, Bobby," Jean said dryly.

"My all is for Hank now," he insisted, blushing. "I can't take being kicked to the curb by Rogue anymore." He wiggled into his boxer shorts and got out of bed. "Do you hear me, Jean? I just can't take it anymore!"

He began freezing the peeps, which stopped them in their tracks.

Hank, meanwhile, was enacting his own plan. "I will eat you if you don't stop this behavior. My digestive tract is a marvel of gastrointestinal fortitude. I can ingest twenty Twinkies without pause, so don't think I'm afraid of a few peeps!" he declared.

Logan and Rogue appeared, wondering what all the commotion was. Bobby noticed Rogue was wearing Logan's shirt and nothing else. He jumped back into the bed. "We're not married, Rogue. We're really, really not!"

"I know that, sugar," she said. "I'm still gettin' over Remy. Logan's been helpin' me with that."

"I sure have, darlin'," the older man said, smirking, as he skewered some peeps on his claws.

Professor Xavier joined the fight, complaining sotto voce about the fact that he had never, ever been in love with Magneto, and that had been all one-sided on Erik's part. "And I never slept with Scott, either!"

Jean's head whipped up at that, but then Jubilee, St. John and Kitty joined the fray, so she said nothing.

But the peeps just seemed to keep coming. Cries of, "Fic or freedom!" rang through the bedroom as the X-Men fought off the mutated riot chicks and the evil plot bunny peeps.

"Bunny peeps, plural?" Jean asked aghast, pinning the author to the wall with a gimlet-eyed stare.

"Er, um," said the author, turning to Hank.

Hank had the grace to look abashed. "Ahem, yes. They reproduce anaerobically. That is why we must get them all, or we're doomed to living in a state of constant flux and paranoia."

"Have you noticed," Rogue said, "that the only one who never seems to be affected is--"

"Storm!" they all cried.

"Storm is never put in embarrassing situations because of her powers," Bobby muttered. "Storm is never kicked to the curb for Logan."

"Storm never has her husband leave her for another woman," Jean snapped. "She never has to have torrid affairs and be attacked by vicious bunnies."

"Storm does all the shopping," Logan and Hank said at the same time.

And there the weather goddess stood in all her glory. "Ignore me at your peril," she said in a very commanding voice (one that sounded much more like Angela Bassett than like Halle Berry, Rogue noted).

The other X-Men had the peeps under control now, as Jean used her telekinesis to put them all into a pile and St. John set them on fire.

Ororo's tirade continued. "I am beautiful, highly intelligent, in excellent shape, funny as hell, *and* I have really nice boobies. Yet I am ignored. So, I take my revenge on all of you, watching your antics as the plot bunnies make you wail and rut like characters in a bad soap opera! And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"

"Uh, 'Ro, I think you're in the wrong cartoon," Bobby hissed.

"Whatever! Why does no one love me? Am I not worthy of your regard?"

At this point, the author slunk away, muttering something about finishing that Ororo-fic she'd been planning.

The X-Men looked at the beautiful weather goddess and began complimenting her on the evilness of her plan. Then Rogue gave her a careful hug, Professor Xavier pressed her hand to his lips, and Logan gave her a kiss -- tongue and all.

Suddenly, peeps forgotten, the X-Men tumbled to the floor in a big heap, trying to prove to Storm how much they loved her.

A good time was had by all.

Scott walked in halfway through, complained about always missing out on all the fun, and proceeded to show the rest of them what Jean had always known -- he was dead sexy, and he didn't need any stinkin' karaoke to prove it!

The End, thank god

Attack of the Killer Peeps III: News at Eleven

Back to the Peeps Index

Disclaimer: All X-Men characters belong to Marvel and/or Fox. I do not own them and do not intend any infringement on their copyright. I don't know who Peeps belong to, but they're evil! Evil, I tell you!