t h e . l o n g . k i s s . g o o d b y e

The Long Kiss Goodbye
[by victoria p.]

Rating: PG

Summary: Remus is safe, Remus is gay, Remus is in love with Sirius, and all of that is true, except this is Lily.

Notes: This was written for Laura Smith, requested by peri81.

Date: July 11, 2005

It's a children's game, and Remus knows he shouldn't care, shouldn't let it get to him, but when Lily spins and the bottle stops pointing directly at him, he can feel his palms grow sweaty and his breath come short.

James is laughing, because he knows Remus is safe, Remus is gay, Remus is in love with Sirius, and all of that is true, except this is Lily and James will never know about the long, leisurely afternoons they used to spend together, the summer between fifth year and sixth, when James was in Majorca and Sirius was locked up in number twelve, Grimmauld Place.

James doesn't know, and he never will, because Remus will never tell him how he betrayed him that summer, how he had Lily laid out on his bed, naked and sweaty and blushing pink as he learned the secrets of her body, and she learned the secrets of his.

Coming back to Hogwarts made it more exciting, more difficult, more real. Remus's guilt pressed down on him like the hand of God, making it hard to breathe whenever he was in a room with James and Lily together, because mates don't do that to each other, and Remus above all wants to be mates, wants to have friends.

But he also wants Lily, with a strange, sick ache that makes him feel as if his skin is too tight, his body all wrong, the way he feels right before the moon rises on full moon nights.

She broke it off with him, which makes it worse, because he should have-- but he couldn't, and in the end, she chose James and he can't blame her, because doesn't everybody? Everybody except him, and he wanted to.

Lily's smile is slightly tremulous now, and he tells himself it's because she's feeling what he's feeling, and not because she's nervous about kissing her secret ex-boyfriend in front of her very public and very possibly forever boyfriend (the way James talks about it). Her lips are soft and taste of butterbeer when she kisses Remus, and all those never-quite-extinguished feelings come roaring back to life in the time it takes for her mouth to open against his, her tongue to touch his.

He wants to breathe her in, to steal her away, take her inside of him and never let her go again.

She is all business and no fire, and as she pulls away just as he is ready to embarrass himself by twining his fingers in her silky hair and clinging to her, he realizes she's moved on. Her eyes are soft when she opens them, and affectionate, but that's all. He can see himself reflected in them, before she turns away, turns to James, her fingers splayed against his stubbled jaw as he laughs, and Remus is already forgotten.

end

~*~

Back to Kisslet Index

Back to Harry Potter Stories Index

Back to Main Stories Index

~*~

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling and Scholastic, etc. This piece of fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.