k a d d i s h

Kaddish
[by victoria p.]

Rating: G

Summary: Jonathan shares some words of wisdom with his son.

Notes: Thanks to Jen, Pete/Melissa, Dot, Meg, Bethy and Hope.

Date: October 17, 2002

It's quiet here. Not exactly like I thought it'd be, but almost. They're letting me watch over you and your mother, and that's good enough for me.

But seeing you in so much pain, seeing you hurt and angry -- that's something I never want to see. So I just wanted you to know this.

You can't save everyone.

We all knew this day would come, Clark, and I want you to know, it's not your fault. There was nothing you could have done. You didn't know that kryptonite was dangerous to humans when you fell into our lives. Please don't blame yourself. The day we found you was one of our happiest days ever. You were the answer to our every wish and prayer, and nothing, not the cancer, the pain, or even death, can change that.

You couldn't save me from the cancer that killed me, but I'm trying to save you from a life of bitterness and guilt.

I'm so proud of you. As proud as any father has ever been of his son. Prouder, even.

You're a good man, and you save lives. Don't blame yourself because you couldn't save mine. We all have to die sometime, and while I know it hurts, we'll be together again someday. Trust me on this, the way you trusted me, even when you didn't think I was right.

I'd like to apologize, too, for the times I was wrong. I made mistakes. I was wrong about Lex, and I only saw that once he became everything I thought he was. And I take the blame for that, as much as anyone.

He killed for me, for you, protected your secret more than once, though he didn't know what it was. He saved lives, too, and all I ever saw was his father. And it shames me, that I let my own pride and anger get in the way of helping that young man become everything he could have been, instead of what he is now.

I know you'll do the right thing. Stop Lex, and forgive him, and tell him I'm sorry.

And while I know she already knows, tell your mother I love her. She deserves to hear it at lot. Take care of her. She's the best woman, the best person I ever knew, and you are so much like her that sometimes I just want to explode with happiness at how blessed I was. I am.

And you're blessed, too, son, with gifts and family and love.

Don't ever forget that. Don't let the failures make you forget your successes, because you are successful. You're one of the most human -- and humane -- men I ever knew, and I'm just proud that I had a hand in raising you.

I'll always be with you and your mother. So, please, let go of your anger and regret. It's better this way. I'm not a drain on you both, and the pain is gone.

Be at peace, Clark. I am.

~fin

***

A translation of the Kaddish:

May the great Name of God be exalted and sanctified, throughout the world, which he has created according to his will. May his Kingship be established in your lifetime and in your days, and in the lifetime of the entire household of Israel, swiftly and in the near future; and say, Amen. May his great name be blessed, forever and ever. Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, honored elevated and lauded be the Name of the holy one, Blessed is he- above and beyond any blessings and hymns, Praises and consolations which are uttered in the world; and say Amen. May there be abundant peace from Heaven, and life, upon us and upon all Israel; and say, Amen.

He who makes peace in his high holy places, may he bring peace upon us, and upon all Israel; and say Amen.

~*~

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