i n . b e t w e e n . t h e . t w o . o f . u s

In Between the Two of Us
[by victoria p.]

Rating: Adult

Summary: "There's still you and me."

Date: December 24, 2004

I never cared
I never was the kind to make a fuss
When he was there
Sleepin' in between the two of us
~"When You Were Mine," Cyndi Lauper

Remus knows this is the last time. James doesn't have to say anything; it's there in the brief moment of stillness before he returns the kiss, the slightly higher pitch of his laugh when he pulls back. Behind him, Sirius's lips thin into a momentary frown, and he shrugs one shoulder almost imperceptibly before wrapping his arms around James, sure fingers unbuttoning his shirt with ease.

Remus reaches forward to take James's glasses off and set them gently on the night table. He runs a hand through the thick, dark, mess of James's hair and pulls him close for another kiss, trying to memorize the taste (salt crisps and pumpkin juice and James) and feel (firm muscle beneath soft, supple skin) and scent (sweat and grass and a hint of Lily's perfume) of him, so familiar after two years of this, and more dear than Remus would ever have thought possible when they started.

He and Sirius speak silently with a series of gestures and facial expression -- nods and quirked lips and quick, knowing touches -- until James is pliant between them, mouth wrapped around Remus's cock while Sirius fucks him from behind.

James is beautiful like this, Remus thinks vaguely, while he is still able to think. Lily will never see him like this. She'll never have him the way we have him.

Remus has never thought of himself as particularly jealous -- he is too aware of how easily he could lose everything to ever really think of what he has as his -- but it hurts to know that he is not enough, that even he and Sirius together can't give James whatever elusive thing it is that Lily provides.

When they are done, sweaty and sated and slumped on Remus's bed, James breaks away, stands on shaky legs, and says, "I need to shower." Sirius raises himself up on one elbow and opens his mouth, but before he can say anything, James shakes his head. "No."

What he means is, I need to wash you away and pretend this never happened.

Hurriedly, James grabs clean clothes from his chest of drawers and goes into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Remus can hear the lock click into place, and knows there is no going back to the way things were.

He reaches for his wand, but Sirius stops him. "Don't."

"I--" He can't face Sirius's knowing gaze. "It's easy for him. For you. You're not-- You can--" He shakes his head, frustrated. "This was it for me. This is it." He jerks his hand out of Sirius's loose grip, scrabbles through the mess of clothes on the floor for his wand, not wanting to hear Sirius's well-meant but utterly useless talk about how he's being ridiculous and of course he'll find someone, and they've had a lot of fun but it's just that and nothing more.

"Is it?" Sirius asks, and he sounds subdued.

"Without James--"

Sirius dips his head but when he looks up, his eyes are clear and keen, meeting Remus's gaze. "There's still you and me."

Remus stills, surprised. "Sirius?"

"If you want. I mean, we don't need James." Sirius's voice is an odd mixture of eager and unsure, which is new, because Sirius is never unsure.

"But I thought-- You and James-- I thought you liked girls?"

Sirius takes his hand again, twines their fingers together, and Remus suddenly finds it hard to breathe. "Like you better."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Remus settles back down on the bed. "Okay." It's inane, but the way Sirius curls up next to him, Remus thinks it doesn't really matter.

"Okay," Sirius says, and Remus thinks it will be.

end

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Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling and Scholastic, etc. This piece of fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.