g o o d . i n . t h e . b e g i n n i n g

Good in the Beginning
[by victoria p.]

Rating: Adult

Summary: "It was good once, wasn't it?"

Date: December 24, 2004

You were there
And it was good in the beginning
~"Crystal Village," Pete Yorn

Sirius is exhausted when he arrives, so Remus fries him some eggs, runs him a bath, and puts him to bed. He spends the next day getting up to speed -- he's had a cryptic owl from Dumbledore, but the news is even more horrifying when Sirius delivers it between bites of toast, his voice shaking when he talks about James and Lily's ghosts helping Harry out of the graveyard.

Remus wants to put his arms around Sirius, wants to snatch Harry back from those Muggles and hide both of them away somewhere safe, somewhere he can protect them. He wouldn't fail at it this time, he tells himself. Instead, he burns the toast and spends a few moments scraping the black off with his knife so he doesn't have to see that lost, pained look in Sirius's eyes again. It reminds him too much of last time.

He's spent the past year trying to rearrange his head, to reconstruct the past yet again, this time secure in the knowledge that he knew Sirius all along, and hating himself for not believing in him, in them.

He spends the day alternating between gratitude that Sirius is here, and safe, and doesn't hate him, and abject self-loathing for being such a terrible friend.

Sirius is wrapped up in his own thoughts and doesn't seem to notice. He starts at the oddest sounds -- the hiss of oil in the frying pan, the squeal of tires on the road. When the rain comes, late in the afternoon, he changes into Padfoot and romps in the overgrown garden out back, then tracks mud all over the house. When he shakes himself off, soaking Remus in the process, Remus can't help laughing. It has a hysterical edge to it, but he manages to stop himself from falling apart by kneeling and wrapping his arms around the dog's neck, burying his face in the wet, muddy fur, heedless of the mess.

It's been a long time, but he remembers what this was like, the simple joy of Sirius's presence without any fear or suspicion. And it's always been easier to cling to Padfoot than it is to tell Sirius what he's feeling. He doesn't know how long they've been like that, though his knees are starting to ache, when Padfoot seems to melt in his embrace, and now his face is pressed to a damp shirt, and his arms are wrapped around Sirius's too-thin ribs. They shift, and settle on the floor, still clutching each other tightly, though to Remus it feels more like the way he used to cuddle his favorite teddy bear after a nightmare than the embrace of a lover.

"It was good once, wasn't it?" Sirius blurts, and Remus can feel the slight tremor in his words, in his hands.

"Very good," he answers, smiling wistfully.

Sirius reaches over and pushes Remus's fringe out of his eyes. "It could be again," he says, shifting again, and Remus feels the subtle change from friend to something indefinably more in the way Sirius moves against him, the sweep of Sirius's thumb over his lip, and the way Sirius's heart pounds beneath the palm of his hand.

"Could it?" Remus asks softly.

"Let me convince you," Sirius answers, and kisses him gently.

end

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Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling and Scholastic, etc. This piece of fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.