c a u g h t . w i t h . t h e i r . p a n t s . d o w n

Caught with Their Pants Down
[by victoria p.]

Rating: R

Summary: "More interested in your meat and two veg than the roast and potatoes, huh? Can't say I blame her for that."

Notes: For _immortalis, who gave me Remus, skirt, baffled.

Date: November 1, 2004

Remus felt his smile tighten when, for the third time that evening, Philippa Moss placed his hand on her thigh under cover of the tablecloth. He only ever agreed to these dinners because Lily was trying so hard to create something normal during a time when nothing was normal anymore, when everything seemed to be falling apart.

That she never ran out of former classmates to set him and Sirius and Peter up with was a constant source of amusement (this week, in addition to Philippa, Lily had invited Olivia Chatterton and Gretchen Bosley), even though he knew he ought to tell her that she was barking up the wrong tree, at least where he was concerned. It was silly to be afraid of telling his friends he was gay after they'd so readily accepted him as a werewolf, but it was just one more thing that made him different, and he didn't know how much more sympathy from them he could handle.

Of course, there was a downside to the whole charade: having to watch Sirius go home with these girls and then lie awake until he stumbled in sometime just before dawn, reeking of sex and perfume. Even worse, sometimes he brought them back to the flat, and the wall between their bedrooms was very thin. Afterward, he often came into Remus's room and wanted to give him a blow-by-blow description of the night's activities, as if Remus hadn't heard every word and sound. Remus had to smile and laugh and pretend he didn't wish, every single time, that he were the one Sirius had kissed and touched and shagged.

Biting back a sigh, Remus once again removed his hand from beneath Philippa's skirt and tried to concentrate on the conversation James and Sirius were having about Puddlemere's chances for the league championship.

Philippa was undaunted though, and just as Remus was about to make a point about the necessity of a good Keeper to a winning team, and Puddlemere's current sad lack of same, her hand landed in his lap, rubbing at him.

He jumped up in shock, taking the tablecloth with him, knocking everything on the table askew.

James, with his quick, Quidditch-honed reflexes, made sure the candles remained upright, and Lily caught the roast with a charm, but Sirius and Olivia both ended up wearing the very fine cabernet Sirius had brought with him, while Philippa and Remus were doused with gravy. Peter and Gretchen, seated at the foot of the table, escaped unscathed.

"I am so sorry," Remus began, torn between mortification and hysteria. He found it hard to keep from laughing, as both Lily and James had dissolved into the giggles, and Sirius was braying loudly, head thrown back to reveal the long line of his throat. Philippa looked like she was about to burst into tears, though, so Remus swallowed the laughter bubbling up inside him.

"I'd better go," Philippa said, ignoring the pleading look Olivia shot at her.

"You don't all have to leave--" Lily said, but the girls trooped toward the fireplace. Olivia kept glancing at Sirius, who appeared not to notice, but who was actually, to Remus's highly trained in the art of Sirius-watching eyes, deliberately ignoring her.

"If there's any trouble with the cleaning, I'll take care of it," Remus said, trying not to think of what it would cost to replace both girls' outfits, when he barely made enough money to pay his half of the rent, and hadn't had new clothes himself since they'd left Hogwarts.

"Peter?" Lily said as he followed the Olivia, Philippa and Gretchen to the fireplace.

"I'm just going to see Gretchen home," he said with a rakish smile. "And maybe comfort the other two, if they need it."

"I don't know how he does it," James said, still grinning, when they were all gone. Then he turned to Remus. "And if there's any replacing of clothes for those two, Sirius and I will pay for it."

"Yeah," Sirius said, "and maybe get you something decent as well. You've gravy all over your trousers, you know."

Remus looked down at himself, his best black trousers covered in congealing brown sauce, and raised an eyebrow. "Thank you, Sirius. I must have missed that," he said with an admirably straight face before he finally burst into the laughter he'd been trying so hard to contain. "It's just that Philippa, she kept--" He couldn't get it out, he was laughing too hard.

When he'd finally wound down a bit, Lily held out her hand and smiled. "Okay, boys, hand them over."

In unison, Sirius and Remus said, "What?"

"Scourgify alone is not going to get red wine out of a white shirt, Sirius, and I think anything but the most delicate handling will result in Remus's trousers coming apart at the seams. So come on, let's have them, then." She crooked her fingers at them, and Remus felt himself flush. "Oh, really. It's not as if you've anything I haven't seen before."

"And bigger," James added smugly.

"You are not," Sirius began, but Lily cut him off.

"We can get out a ruler if you like, but either way, shut up and take off your trousers."

"I can see why you like her," Sirius said to James, long fingers moving quickly over the buttons on his shirt. James smirked.

Remus tried not to watch Sirius, concentrating instead on stepping carefully out of his own soiled trousers without getting any gravy on the living room carpet. It wasn't as if they hadn't dressed and undressed together for seven years, but somehow it was different now that Remus had an idea of what it would feel like to fall to his knees in front of Sirius, to kiss his way up those long, muscular thighs and take Sirius's cock in his mouth, licking and sucking until Sirius came down his throat, calling his name.

He felt himself flush again, and turned toward the bookshelves, hoping to hide his erection until he could convince it to go away.

Lily's voice interrupted his silent communing with his penis. "Remus?"

"Oh. Yes. Sorry." He turned at the waist and handed her his trousers.

Lily disappeared into the laundry room with their clothes, James right behind her, muttering, "I've spent enough time with them in their underwear."

Remus stared at a picture of Lily's sister Petunia and Petunia's angry-looking fiancé for a few minutes, until he felt it was safe to turn around and face Sirius, who was lounging on the sofa in nothing but his y-fronts and socks, looking bored.

"Sorry I ruined dinner," Remus said tentatively, sitting down in the chair across from him. "You and Olivia seemed to be hitting it off."

"Olivia fully lives up to her name," Sirius replied, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "Bint never shuts up."

"Ah. I imagine you'd have got on better with Philippa, then. Lets her hands do her talking."

Sirius sat up suddenly, leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "Does she now?"

"Kept putting my hand up her skirt. Then she groped me. Right at the table!"

"Most blokes wouldn't complain about that," Sirius said slyly. Remus froze, realizing what he'd let slip, but Sirius kept talking. "More interested in your meat and two veg than the roast and potatoes, huh? Can't say I blame her for that." Now Sirius looked more focused than sly, staring at him so intently he felt as if Sirius were touching him.

"What?" Remus asked. Oh, brilliant response.

Sirius moved forward onto the floor, kneeling between Remus's legs. Remus closed his eyes for a moment and opened them, because he'd often imagined them in this position, and wearing even less, but had never actually expected it to happen.

"You're a handsome bloke," Sirius answered, his hands large and warm on Remus's knees, sending a jolt of heat to his prick.

"I've eyes and a mirror, Sirius," he said, after a moment. "I'm not," you, "that attractive to the ladies."

"Oh, I don't know," Sirius said thoughtfully, his voice dropping. "You've an air of mystery about you. Some people like that in a man." His hands slid up Remus's thighs, hot against the suddenly sensitive skin, thumbs circling lazily. Remus expected to see burn marks in the shape of Sirius's hands when Sirius pulled them away. He whimpered at the loss, and Sirius grinned, his eyes dark and fierce. "I know I do."

Remus licked his lips and took a deep breath. "This isn't fucking funny, Padfoot." He tried to stand but Sirius's hands clamped down on his knees again.

"No, nor is it meant to be." Sirius's tone was light, but Remus could hear the steel beneath. "You should have told us."

"How is it any of your business who I fuck?" Remus asked, uncomfortably aware of Sirius's effect on him, and knowing Sirius was aware, too.

Sirius's fingers tightened. "Aside from the fact that we're your friends?"

Remus bit his lip and looked away. "Aside from that."

"You could have saved me months of these dinners with brainless birds--"

"They were good enough for you to take home and shag--"

Sirius leaned forward, his hands sliding up Remus's thighs again, his mouth mere inches from Remus's. "Jealous, Moony?"

He opened his mouth, but couldn't actually say the word, even with Sirius's hands edging closer to his cock, hard and aching to be touched. Sirius slipped his hand inside Remus's y-fronts to curl around him, and Remus let out a low moan.

"That's a yes, then," Sirius whispered, closing the distance between their mouths and giving him a kiss.

Sirius tasted of heat and red wine, and Remus groaned, thrusting his tongue against Sirius's, feeling wild and wanted. He stroked Sirius's hair tentatively, then pulled away, unsure.

"Sirius, this is my life, this is who I am," he said raggedly. "This is not a joke."

"My hand is on your prick, Remus." Sirius gave him a quick, firm stroke for emphasis. "Does it feel like I'm joking?"

"Don't fuck around," Remus answered, hating how desperate he sounded, how desperate he was for that touch, for this not to be some colossal prank Sirius and James had cooked up between them.

Sirius kissed him again, a hard push of tongue and teeth against his lips, into his mouth. "I think you want to fuck around," Sirius said when they broke apart this time, panting. His hand jacked Remus's cock slowly, teasingly. "I know I want to fuck you."

Remus sucked in a breath at the intensity in Sirius's voice, which turned his skin to gooseflesh, and resonated down to his bones.

"Please," he said, finally giving in and begging, dignity be damned. He'd wanted this too long to say no now. "Sirius."

Sirius climbed up into his lap, pulling him close for another kiss, knees shoving into the chair next to Remus's hips, and sinking into the cushion.

"Come on, Remus," Sirius murmured against his lips, slipping his cock through the slit in his pants so they could thrust against each other, hard and fast.

Remus was frantic for the touch and taste of Sirius's skin, hands roaming Sirius's chest and shoulders and back, hips bucking up for more, mouths pressed together, breathing life into each other. Remus felt it building, coiling in his belly, tightening his balls, and then the world disappeared in a rush of white hot pleasure as he came, Sirius still thrusting against him.

Sirius grabbed his hand, wrapped it around his own cock, and Remus stroked him to completion, still slightly amazed that Sirius would touch him this way, let himself be touched, but too caught up in the moment to care.

Sirius slumped against him, licking and sucking at the skin of his collarbones, and Remus caressed the dark head tenderly, winding his fingers through Sirius's thick, silky hair. He let his eyes close and wished he could stay there forever, even though his thighs were starting to go numb from Sirius's weight upon them.

He was drowsing pleasantly, on his way to being asleep, when Sirius said, "Moony."

Remus reluctantly opened his eyes, unwilling to end the moment. In fact, when Sirius wriggled against him, he found himself wide awake and ready to repeat the experience immediately. But Sirius was tucking himself away, and murmuring cleaning charms.

"What?"

"Prongs and Lily will be back in a minute or two," Sirius said, checking his watch and climbing off Remus. Remus whined low in his throat at the loss of warmth.

"What?" he said again, hazy, and baffled by Sirius's behavior.

"They gave me half an hour to convince you--" Sirius started.

Remus's stomach dropped to his toes. "Then this was a joke. You--"

"No." Sirius shut him up with a hard kiss, sending another thrill through Remus's body. "No joke. It did take some spur of the moment arranging to get James to go off with Lily." Sirius and James had always been able to communicate without speaking, a language of lip twists and eyebrow raises Remus had never quite mastered. "Though I suspect they were similarly engaged in the laundry room." He grinned roguishly.

Remus's head was spinning. "I still don't--"

"Here we are," Lily announced cheerfully. "Everything's clean as a whistle. Though you know, people put whistles in their mouths, so I don't see how they're so clean. Germs all over everything--" she trailed off as they stared at her. Her face was flushed and her hair mussed, and she had a large red mark on her collarbone. James, following behind her, had misbuttoned his shirt.

Remus made to put his trousers on, but Sirius stopped him. "Don't bother. We're going home now, and I'm just going to make you take them off again so I can fuck you properly."

Remus flushed, and his cock twitched in anticipation.

Lily turned to him, lips curved in a wry smile. "Why didn't you ever say anything? If you'd just told me, I never would have--"

Remus shrugged awkwardly. "You always seemed so excited about these dinners."

"Well, we love having you here," she replied, "but really, if I never saw half those girls again, it would be fine with me. Silly bints with more hair than wit, most of them."

They all stared at her, open-mouthed. "But--" Remus began.

"You always seemed to enjoy yourselves."

"Especially Sirius," Remus muttered, remembering the endless series of girls.

"A man has needs," Sirius answered lightly. "And you were being an idiot about the whole thing."

Lily beamed at them, but James was staring at the chair Remus had been sitting in. "Wait a minute," he said. "You two -- in my favorite chair?"

Remus and Sirius shared an amused look, the heat in Sirius's eyes promising more to come, and then Sirius clapped James's shoulder soundly.

"Think of it as your lucky chair, mate," he said genially, before heading to the fireplace, clothes clutched close to his chest. "I know I always will."

Remus definitely had to agree.

end

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