w h e n . y o u . w e r e . t he . b r i g h t e s t . s t a r . w h o . w e r e . t h e . s h a d o w s

When you were the brightest star,
who were the shadows?
[by victoria p.]

Rating: PG

Summary: "You're my brother," Sirius says, though the word doesn't conjure up Regulus's face, but James's.

Notes: Comment fic for xylodemon, with her first line Sirius' ears are still ringing from the blow his mother landed on the side of his face.

Date: June 28, 2005

Sirius' ears are still ringing from the blow his mother landed on the side of his face, and he doesn't stop to think, just rushes up to the attic. But Andromeda isn't there anymore -- she hasn't been for years, not since she finished school and ran off with her Muggleborn boyfriend to get married.

Sirius huddles in their special place, alone. Usually, he is pleased and envious that she's gone while he remains, but right now, he wishes she were there to hold him, kiss him, make him forget the awful things his mother says and does whenever he comes into her presence.

His wallow is interrupted by the creak of the stairs and he looks up to see Regulus staring at him, eyes wide and bright in the darkness.

At school, they barely acknowledge each other, but here in this house, it has always been them against her, though lately Regulus has begun to parrot her insane pureblood ravings, the result of too much time spent with his Slytherin friends.

"All right?" Regulus asks. Sirius gives a bark of mirthless laughter as Regulus settles next to him, reaching out one pale, long-fingered hand and stopping just short of the stinging red mark their mother has made on Sirius's olive skin.

"Of course," Sirius replies, looking away from that face, so like his own, like Andromeda's (they all look the same, except for Narcissa, who some say resembles the Lincolnshire branch of the family; less kind gossips whisper her father was Julius Malfoy), and digging into his pockets for a cigarette. He comes up empty. "Got a fag?"

Regulus snorts. "No." He brushes Sirius's hair off his forehead and Sirius isn't quite sure how to respond to this new tenderness -- they are reluctant allies these days, not friends, not for years. "Let me," Regulus says, his fingers spider-quick and gossamer-light against Sirius's face. His lips are a hair's breadth from Sirius's ear, and his skin is pale and smooth as milk -- it's too early in the day yet for the sparse stubble Regulus has begun to grow. Sirius can almost imagine he's Andromeda, though the nose isn't quite the same and the jaw is square and masculine instead of delicately curved.

He lets his eyes flutter closed and leans in, Regulus's breath hot and sweet against his mouth, and then he remembers who he is, where he is. He throws himself back against he wall, away from his brother.

"No, Reg. No." He pushes himself up as tall as he can under the sloping eaves and shakes his head.

"Why not? It's all in the family. How is it any different from you and Andromeda? And don't say because I'm a boy."

"You're my brother," Sirius says, though the word doesn't conjure up Regulus' face, but James', mussed hair and dirty glasses and thin lips in a goofy smile. Escape, he thinks. James.

"Am I?" Regulus asks as if he's a Legilimens and has seen what Sirius is thinking.

"Yeah. Look, I'm going to-- we can both go. To the Potters'. Come on." He heads towards the stairs, resolute now that he has a plan. Andromeda left, he can follow, and take Regulus with him. "Come on," he repeats, holding out a hand.

But Regulus shakes his head. "I can't."

"If you don't, she's only going to get worse."

"It's only when you're here that she's like this," Regulus says. "If you're gone, maybe she'll calm down."

"She's mad, you know," Sirius says, coming back and grabbing Regulus by the shoulders, looking into his eyes, soft and blue, like looking in a mirror, except Sirius doesn't think he ever looked so lost.

"She's our mother. She's family." The Black refrain over a hundred generations.

Sirius drops his hands, shakes his head. "Not mine. Not anymore."

"Then I'm not either," Regulus says softly. "I won't stop you, but don't expect me to--"

"Don't worry, I won't," Sirius cuts him off.

As he heads down the stairs, he feels lighter than he ever has before, free somehow, even as he loads up his trunk and sneaks out the back door before anyone else notices he's gone.

He doesn't look back. He's afraid he'll see his own face looking down at him from the attic window.

end

~*~

Back to First Line Ficlet Index

Back to Harry Potter Stories Index

Back to Main Stories Index

~*~

Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling, Scholastic, etc. This piece of fan-written fiction intends no infringement on any copyrights.